Favorite Comedy Quotes
This is not a cheer-ocracy, I am the cheer-tator, I will make the cheer-isions around here, and I will deal with the cheer-onsequences.Priscilla
Russell Ziskey: You could join a monastery.
John Winger: Did you ever see a monk get wildly fucked by some teenage girls?
Russell Ziskey: Never.
John Winger: So much for the monastery.
You're a bunch of fuckin' elephants!Ray
Now, do you know what a clitoris is?Jim's Dad
My life is good. Real good.Nacho
I can't even get my cat to use the litter box.Rita
The only place different social types can genuinely get along with each other is in heaven.J.D.
Sister EncarnaciÃ³n: Well, my favorite color is light tan. My favourite animal is puppies. I like serving the lord. Hiking, play volleyball...
Nacho: You gotta be kidding me. Everything you just said, is MY favourite thing to do, every day!
Janis: That little one, that's Gretchen Wieners.
Damian: She's totally rich because her dad invented Toaster Streudels.
Janis: Gretchen Wieners knows everybody's business, she knows everything about everyone.
Damian: That's why her hair is so big, it's full of secrets.
Janis: And evil takes a human form in Regina George. Don't be fooled because she may seem like your typical selfish, back-stabbing slut faced ho-bag, but in reality, she's so much more than that.
Damian: She's the queen bee - the star, those other two are just her little workers.
Bart: You are my guest, and I am your host. What is your pleasure? What do you like to do?
Jim: I don't know... play chess... screw...
Bart: [quickly] Let's play chess.
Weed is from the earth. God put this here for me and you. Take advantage man, take advantage.Smokey
I suggest you and your Kmart Jaclyn Smith Collection outfit... stay the hell away from Derek Zoolander!Katinka [to Matilda]