Favorite Comedy Quotes
Why don't you tell your daddy to comb his damn hair, look like some spiders is having a meetin' on his head.Smokey
Agent 99: I used to look like my mom.
Maxwell Smart: I used to look like two of my moms put together.
Mother of God, there I am! Holy fuck...Raoul Duke
Ray: Purgatory's kind of like the in-between one. You weren't really shit, but you weren't all that great either. Like Tottenham. Do you believe in all that stuff, Ken?
Ray: The last judgement, and the afterlife, guilt, sins, hell, and all that?
[as Peter leaves to confess to Lumbergh] Peter... watch out for your cornhole, man.Lawrence
Maybe now you'll never slime a guy with a positron collider, huh?Dr. Peter Venkman
Bruce: Is this heaven?
God: No, this is Mount Everest. You should flip on the Discovery Channel from time to time. But I guess you can't now, being dead and all.
Bruce: I'm *dead*?
God: Naw, I'm just messing with ya.
Bruce: That's not funny, Man! That is *not* funny.
Max: Good God, he licked me.
Lemon: Edward, don't lick Max.
Brian: First of all to understand what happened to killer, you gotta understand who killer the dog was. Now killer was born to a three-legged bitch of a mother. He was always ashamed of this, man. And then right after that he's adopted by this man, Tito Liebowitz he's a small time gun runner and a rotweiler fight promoter. So he puts killer into training. They see killer's good. He is damn good. But then he had the fight of his life. They pit him against his brother nibbles. And killer said "no man that's my brother, I can't fight nibbles" but they made him fight anyway, and killer, he killed nibbles. Killer said "that's it!" he called off all his fights, and he started doing crack, and he freaked out. Then in a rage, he collapsed, and his heart no longer beat. wow.
Thurgood Jenkins: You know uh, I never thought I'd say this to anybody, but you two smoke entirely too much reefer.
I don't wanna die like Hendrix man!Jeff Portnoy
Doug Billings: We look at these pictures together, ok? One time. And then we delete the evidence.
Stu Price: I say we delete it right now.
Phil Wenneck: Are you nut? I want to find out how I went to the hospital. Is that in there?
Alan Garner: Yeah it's in there!
Doug Billings: Guys, one time. Deal?
Phil Wenneck: Deal!
Stu Price: Deal.
Alan Garner: Ok.
Stu Price: [the four of them look into the camera] Oh dear Lord!
Alan Garner: That's classic!
Rabinowitz: What are you reading?
Topper: Great Expectations.
Rabinowitz: Is it any good?
Topper: It's not what I'd hoped for.