Favorite Comedy Quotes
Cindy Kim: Have you seen a Korean guy around here?
Hippie Student: Yeah, only when I open my eyes though.
Anyone who isn't dead or from another plane of existence would do well to cover their ears right about now.Metatron
Emily: We can't just throw him out in the snow.
Walter: Why not? He loves the snow. He's told me 15 times.
Ken: Harry, let's face it. And I'm not being funny. I mean no disrespect, but you're a cunt. You're a cunt now, and you've always been a cunt. And the only thing that's going to change is that you're going to be an even bigger cunt. Maybe have some more cunt kids.
Harry: [furious] Leave my kids fucking out of it! What have they done? You fucking retract that bit about my cunt fucking kids!
Ken: I retract that bit about your cunt fucking kids.
Harry: Insult my fucking kids? That's going overboard, mate!
Ken: I retracted it, didn't I?
Charlie Donovan: How would you like to manage the Indians this year?
Lou Brown: Gee, I don't know...
Charlie Donovan: What do you mean, you don't know? This is your chance to manage in the big leagues.
Lou Brown: Let me get back to you, will ya, Charlie? I got a guy on the other line asking about some white walls.
Watch out, the yellow ones don't stop!Buddy
I love being an American.General Aladeen
Pat: You have poor social skills. You have a problem.
Tiffany: I have a problem? You say more inappropriate things than appropriate things.
Bruce giveth and Bruce taketh away. Don't like it? Megabyte me.Bruce
David Seville: [in the car with the chipmuncks] What?
Simon: We're talking chipmuncks, Dave. We can get out of a cat carrier. It's not even hard.
Joan Baxter: Maybe God didn't mean a flood in the literal sense. Maybe he meant a flood of... awareness.
Evan Baxter: If that's true... I'm going to be so pissed.
Cameron: We are screwed.
Michael: Hey, no, hey. I don't wanna hear that defeatist attitude... I wanna hear you upbeat!
Cameron: [more upbeat] We are screwed!
Michael: There ya go.