Favorite Comedy Quotes
Kumar: [in surgery] Hang on a second, nurse. What we should probably use is marijuana. That'll sufficiently sedate the patient for surgery.
Male Nurse: Marijuana?... But why?
Kumar: We don't have time for questions. We need marijuana now, as much of it as possible! Like a big bag of it.
Peter Gibbons: Um, the 7-Eleven, right? You take a penny from the tray.
Joanna: From the crippled children?
Peter Gibbons: No, that's the jar. I'm talking about the tray, the pennies for everybody. We're basically doing the same thing only we take it from a much bigger tray and we do it a couple of million times.
Andy Sachs: I thought only the first assistant went to the benefit
Miranda Priestly: Only when the first assistant hasn't decided to become an incubus of viral plague.
I'm sorry, do you have some prior commitment? Some hideous skirt convention you have to go to?Emily
Cher: "Second notice on an outstanding ticket." I don't remember getting a first notice.
Mel: The TICKET is the first notice.
Peter Gibbons: Look, I don't know about you guys, but I'm tired of being pushed around. Aren't you?
Samir: Yes, Peter, but I'm not going to do anything illegal.
Peter Gibbons: Samir, this is America.
Cleo McDowell: You know how to mop don't you?
Prince Akeem: Oh yes.
[Leaving the mop inside the wheely-bucket begins maneuvering it back and forth along the floor]
Cleo McDowell: Don't use the bucket. It'll just confuse you.
Harry Sanborn: I love ya.
Erica Barry: Well, I love you too! If that's what you said. I don't know if it ends in a 'ya' if it's a true 'I love you.'
Harry Sanborn: You're not like anybody.
Jocelyn: [at a board meeting over the April issue] Well... they're showing a lot of florals right now, so I was thinking...
Miranda Priestly: Florals? For spring? Ground breaking.
Harold: Officer, I'm glad you're here. You ever heard of that show, Doogie Houser, MD?
Officer Palumbo: Yeah, what great show. Doogie.
Harold: Neil Patrick Harris just stole my car.
Officer Palumbo: Hey! NPH wouldn't do that, 'ight!
Emily: Andrea, Runway is fashion magazine, an interest in fashion is crucial.
Andy Sachs: What makes you think I'm not interested in fashion?
Andy Sachs: So none of the girls here eat anything?
Nigel: Not since two became new four and zero became the new two.
Andy Sachs: Well, I'm a six...
Nigel: Which is the new fourteen.