Favorite Comedy Quotes
Pageant Assistant: Are you authorized to be backstage?
Dwayne: [without stopping] No.
It feels like I got cat piss in my eyes.Jackie Moon
Phil: You're not my friend!
Alan: Don't say that Phil, are you serious? Even in America!?
Stu: You're the bearded devil!
I'm gettin' too fat for this s***.Larry
I was trying to help you, bitch!Buffy the Vampire Slayer
If ripping throats gets that warhead back, I'll suck as many dicks as I've go-- I'll rip as many throats as I have to!MacGruber
Marie: [to Ray and Harry] Why don't you both put your guns down, and go home?
Harry: Don't be stupid. This is the shootout.
Ha ha ha, WIPE OUT!Big Z
Dale: (Looking at sexually explicit photos of himself with Julia) "We did all of this while I was unconscious?"
Julia: "Mmmhmm. Yep."
Dale: "You're a raper, you raped me, that's a rape!"
Julia: "Just relax there, Jodie Foster. Your dick wasn't even hard."
Dale: "That does not give me any relief."
Pack it in, Frank, you silly bastard!Nicholas Angel
What's your name, Fruit Head?Grandpa Bud
Gimbel's Manager: Six-inch ribbon curls, Honey.
Jovie: That's impossible.
Gimbel's Manager: Six inches!