Favorite Comedy Quotes
Nigel: [quietly] Okay, don't make any sudden moves. Hop inside my mouth... if you want to live.
Marlin: Hop in your mouth, huh? And how does that make me live?
Nigel: Because I can take you to your son.
Marlin: Yeah, right.
Nigel: No, I know your son. He's orange and has a gimpy fin on one side.
Marlin: That's Nemo!
Barry Badrinath: [about Great Gam Gam] All I'm saying is... that whore thing could be a real possibility. Some of my best friends are whores.
Jan Wolfhouse: We know, Barry.
Nemo: Are you all right?
Dory: I don't know where I am... I don't know what's going on. I think I lost somebody but I... I can't remember... and I can't remember...
Nemo: It's okay, it's okay. I'm looking for somebody too. Hey, we can look together.
Dory: I'm Dory.
Nemo: I'm Nemo.
Dory: Nemo? ... That's a nice name.
Doves make you look bad-ass!Jenko
...I'm Sorry Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.Mr. Garrison
You know who else I like that didn't get much play? Velma from Scooby-Doo. She was cool. She was a hip, hip lady.Stoner Guy
Andrew: I said, leave her alone.
Bender: You gonna make me?
Bender: You and how many of your friends?
Andrew: Just me. Just you and me. Two hits. Me hitting you. You hitting the floor. Anytime you're ready, pal.
Marie: [to Ray and Harry] Why don't you both put your guns down, and go home?
Harry: Don't be stupid. This is the shootout.
Emily: One time an assistant left the desk, because she, I don't know, sliced her hand open with a letter opener. Miranda missed Lagerfeld who had boarded a seventeen hour flight to Australia. She now works at TV Guide.
Andy Sachs: Man the desk at all times. Got it.
The Grandson: A book?
Grandpa: That's right. When I was your age, television was called books. And this is a special book. It was the book my father used to read to me when I was sick, and I used to read it to your father. And today I'm gonna read it to you.
The Grandson: Has it got any sports in it?
Grandpa: Are you kidding? Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles...
The Grandson: Doesn't sound too bad. I'll try to stay awake.
Grandpa: Oh, well, thank you very much, very nice of you. Your vote of confidence is overwhelming.
Dory: Would you quit it? What, the ocean isn't big enough for you or something like that? You got a problem? Huh? Do ya, do ya, do ya? You wanna piece of me? Yeah, yeah! Ooh, I'm scared now! What?
Marlin: What? You said you saw a boat.
Dory: A boat?
Dory: Hey, I've seen a boat. It went by not too long ago. It went... this way. It went this way.
Marlin: Wait a minute, you already told me which way the boat went.
Dory: I did? Oh, no...
Andrew Largeman: There's a handful of normal kid things I kind of missed.
Sam: There's a handful of normal kid things I kind of WISH I missed.