Favorite Comedy Quotes
Sergio Roma: I'm mind-fucking you right now.
Aaron Green: Well I hope you're dick has a condom on, because I have a dirty mind.
[discovers Hostess truck filled with Sno-Balls] Sno-Balls? Sno-Balls? I hate coconut! Not the flavor, but the consistency.Tallahassee
What am I gonna do with 40 subscriptions to Vibe?Peter Gibbons
You know, gingivitis is the number one reason of all tooth decay.Ace
You think you can do these things, but you just can't, Nemo.Marlin
Andrew: What do you need a fake I.D. for?
Brian: So I can vote.
You can do it... you can do it all night loong!Townie
You don't want girls to think you suck dick at fucking pussy.Seth
Ulysses Everett McGill: Deceitful, two-faced she-woman. Never trust a female Delmar, remember that one simple precept and your time with me will not have been ill spent.
Delmar O'Donnell: Ok, Everett.
Ulysses Everett McGill: Hit by a train! Truth means nothing to a woman, Delmar. Trying for the subjective. You ever been with a woman?
Delmar O'Donnell: Well, I... I... I gotta get the family farm back before I can start thinking about that.
Ulysses Everett McGill: That's right, if then. Believe me Delmar, woman is the most fiendish instrument of torture ever devised to bedevil the days of man.
God put our mouths on our head for a reason. No!Darald
Sometimes when you snort coke, your heart stops and starts up again. Read a book!Mr. Chow
Regina: I gave him everything! I was half a virgin when I met him.
Karen: Do you wanna do something fun? Wanna go to taco bell?
Regina: I can't go to taco bell, I'm on an all-carb diet. God, Karen. You're so stupid!
Gretchen: Wait, Regina! Talk to me!
Regina: No one understands me...