Favorite Comedy Quotes
We got no food, no jobs... our PET'S HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!"Lloyd
I have a boner!Fogell
You've gotta wait till the seed grows into a plant. Then you've gotta fuck the plant.Cal
He is my neighbor, Nushuktan Tulyiagby, he is pain in my assholes. I get a window from a glass, he must get a window from a glass. I get a step, he must get a step. I get a clock-radio, he cannot afford. Great success!Borat
How much does your life weigh? Imagine for a second that you're carrying a backpack. I want you to pack it with all the stuff that you have in your life... start with the little things.Ryan Bingham
Counting cards isn't illegal. It's frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane... Maybe since 9/11 when everyone got so damn sensitive. Thanks a lot Bin Laden!Alan Garner
I'm gonna punch you in the ovary, that's what I'm gonna do. A straight shot. Right to the babymaker.Ron Burgundy
Doug: I always wondered why they were called roofies. Cause you're more likely to end up on the floor than the roof. They should call em groundies.
Alan Garner: Or rapies.
If you were me, then I'd be you, and I'd use *your* body to get to the top. You can't stop me no matter who you are!Ace
Becca: I'm so wet right now.
Evan: Yeah... they said that would happen in Health Class.
Littering and... littering and... smokin' the reefer.Thorny
Nice catch, Hayes. Don't ever fuckin' do it again.Lou Brown