Favorite Comedy Quotes
How much does your life weigh? Imagine for a second that you're carrying a backpack. I want you to pack it with all the stuff that you have in your life... start with the little things.Ryan Bingham
Counting cards isn't illegal. It's frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane... Maybe since 9/11 when everyone got so damn sensitive. Thanks a lot Bin Laden!Alan Garner
I'm gonna punch you in the ovary, that's what I'm gonna do. A straight shot. Right to the babymaker.Ron Burgundy
Doug: I always wondered why they were called roofies. Cause you're more likely to end up on the floor than the roof. They should call em groundies.
Alan Garner: Or rapies.
If you were me, then I'd be you, and I'd use *your* body to get to the top. You can't stop me no matter who you are!Ace
Littering and... littering and... smokin' the reefer.Thorny
Becca: I'm so wet right now.
Evan: Yeah... they said that would happen in Health Class.
Nice catch, Hayes. Don't ever fuckin' do it again.Lou Brown
Reese Bobby: So can I help ya?
Ricky Bobby: Fine. I'll do it. But I ain't callin' you Daddy.
Reese Bobby: Well, what are you gonna to call me then?
Ricky Bobby: (Later) All right, Professor Dickweed...
I almost numchucked you, you don't even realize!Chazz Reingold
Ron Burgundy: Everyone just relax, all right? Believe me, if there's one thing Ron Burgundy knows, it's women.
Brian Fantana: I don't know, Ron.
Ron Burgundy: Guess what, I do. I know that one day Veronica and I are gonna to get married on top of a mountain, and there's going to be flutes playing and trombones and flowers and garlands of fresh herbs. And we will dance till the sun rises. And then our children will form a family band. And we will tour the countryside and you won't be invited.
Will Turner: This... is going to save Elizabeth?
Jack Sparrow: How much do you know about Davy Jones?
Will Turner: Not much.
Jack Sparrow: Yeah, it's gonna save Elizabeth.