Favorite Comedy Quotes
Tina, you fat lard, come get some DINNER!... Tina, eat. Food. Eat the FOOD!Napoleon Dynamite
My mommy says Fanny's Burgers make kids fat and give you gas.Peyton Kelly
Sara: What should we toast to?
Hitch: Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away.
Stu Price: Here's something I would like to remind you two of: our best friend Doug is probably face down in a ditch right now with a meth head butt-fucking his corpse!
Alan Garner: That's highly unlikely.
I'm not too worried about it, really. I wouldn't worry about it. Don't worry about it.Evan
Judge Smails: Oh Porterhouse, look at the wax build up on these shoes I want that wax stripped off there, then I want them creamed and buffed with a fine chamois, and I want them now. Chop chop.
Smoke Porterhouse: Yes judge, right away judge.
Will Turner: [gestures to drawing of key] You want me to find this?
Jack Sparrow: No. *You* want you to find this. Because the finding of this finds you incapacitorially finding and/or locating in your discovering the detecting of a way to save your dolly belle, ol' what's-er-face.
Uncle Rico: What about your girlfriend?
Kip: Well, things are getting pretty serious right now. I mean, we chat online for, like, two hours every day so I guess you could say things are gettin' pretty serious.
I'd give my middle nut to start dating Becca.Evan
First I lost my monkey, and now my hat. Could this day get any worse?Alan
Betsy Heron: Where's Cady?
Chip Heron: She went out.
Betsy Heron: She's grounded.
Chip Heron: Are they not supposed to be let out when they're grounded?
Brint: Or the way Hansel combs his hair?
Meekus: Or like, doesn't, it's like, ex-squeeze me, but have you ever heard of styling gel?
Brint: I'm sure Hansel's heard of styling gel, he's a male model.
Meekus: Uh, earth to Brint, I was making a joke.
Brint: Uh, Earth to Meekus, duh, okay I knew that!
Meekus: Uh earth to Brint, I'm not so sure you did cuz you were all 'well I'm sure he's heard of styling gel' like you DIDN'T know it was a joke!
Brint: I knew it was a joke Meekus, I just didn't get it right away!
Meekus: Earth to Brint...
Derek Zoolander: GUYS! Can we stop with the Earth tos!