Favorite Comedy Quotes
Will Turner: [gestures to drawing of key] You want me to find this?
Jack Sparrow: No. *You* want you to find this. Because the finding of this finds you incapacitorially finding and/or locating in your discovering the detecting of a way to save your dolly belle, ol' what's-er-face.
Matthew: I have a question for you real quick. What did you think of my demo? Did you get it?
Aldous Snow: I was gonna listen to that, but then, um, I just carried on living my life.
Uncle Rico: What about your girlfriend?
Kip: Well, things are getting pretty serious right now. I mean, we chat online for, like, two hours every day so I guess you could say things are gettin' pretty serious.
[clears throat] Well, I could be wrong, but I believe, uh, diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.Ron Burgundy
Jules: You scratch our back and we'll scratch yours.
Seth: Well, the funny thing about my back, is that it's located on my cock.
That ain't no etch-a-sketch. That's one doodle that can't be un-did, homeskillet.Rollo
Cal: When you have the stereo and the T.V. on at the same time, how do you control the volume on the T.V.?
Ricky: Why would you have the stereo and the T.V. on at the same time?
Cal: Because I like to party.
Driving Instructor: In America, a woman can choose who she has sex with.
Someone's ear is in danger of getting hair brushed behind it...Columbus
Mitch: Beanie, you remember Cheese, Rodney's kid brother?
Dean Pritchard: Actually, my name's not Cheese anymore. It's Gordon Pritchard.
Beanie: Oh yeah. Cheeeeeese. Yeah, didn't we lock you in a dumpster one time?
Dean Pritchard: Yea, I got out.
Beanie: Cool man. Good. Glad you did.
Now place the ring on his hand. A ring is like a circle, it goes on forever. It's not like a triangle, triangle have three sides, it's like a circle.Japanese Priest
You punched me in the boob! Prepare to die obviously!Roxy Richter