Favorite Comedy Quotes
You can't outrun me! I'm black!Sergio Roma
Lacey Underall: My uncle says you've got a screw loose.
Ty Webb: Your uncle molests collies.
Matthew: I have a question for you real quick. What did you think of my demo? Did you get it?
Aldous Snow: I was gonna listen to that, but then, um, I just carried on living my life.
[clears throat] Well, I could be wrong, but I believe, uh, diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.Ron Burgundy
Jules: You scratch our back and we'll scratch yours.
Seth: Well, the funny thing about my back, is that it's located on my cock.
That ain't no etch-a-sketch. That's one doodle that can't be un-did, homeskillet.Rollo
Cal: When you have the stereo and the T.V. on at the same time, how do you control the volume on the T.V.?
Ricky: Why would you have the stereo and the T.V. on at the same time?
Cal: Because I like to party.
Driving Instructor: In America, a woman can choose who she has sex with.
Someone's ear is in danger of getting hair brushed behind it...Columbus
Mitch: Beanie, you remember Cheese, Rodney's kid brother?
Dean Pritchard: Actually, my name's not Cheese anymore. It's Gordon Pritchard.
Beanie: Oh yeah. Cheeeeeese. Yeah, didn't we lock you in a dumpster one time?
Dean Pritchard: Yea, I got out.
Beanie: Cool man. Good. Glad you did.
Irregardless, ex-boyfriends are just off limits to friends. I mean that's just like the rules of feminism.Gretchen
Now place the ring on his hand. A ring is like a circle, it goes on forever. It's not like a triangle, triangle have three sides, it's like a circle.Japanese Priest