Uncle Rico: What about your girlfriend?
Kip: Well, things are getting pretty serious right now. I mean, we chat online for, like, two hours every day so I guess you could say things are gettin' pretty serious.

First I lost my monkey, and now my hat. Could this day get any worse?

Alan

I'd give my middle nut to start dating Becca.

Evan

I'm not too worried about it, really. I wouldn't worry about it. Don't worry about it.

Evan

Betsy Heron: Where's Cady?
Chip Heron: She went out.
Betsy Heron: She's grounded.
Chip Heron: Are they not supposed to be let out when they're grounded?

Brint: Or the way Hansel combs his hair?
Meekus: Or like, doesn't, it's like, ex-squeeze me, but have you ever heard of styling gel?
Brint: I'm sure Hansel's heard of styling gel, he's a male model.
Meekus: Uh, earth to Brint, I was making a joke.
Brint: Uh, Earth to Meekus, duh, okay I knew that!
Meekus: Uh earth to Brint, I'm not so sure you did cuz you were all 'well I'm sure he's heard of styling gel' like you DIDN'T know it was a joke!
Brint: I knew it was a joke Meekus, I just didn't get it right away!
Meekus: Earth to Brint...
Derek Zoolander: GUYS! Can we stop with the Earth tos!

Stu Price: Here's something I would like to remind you two of: our best friend Doug is probably face down in a ditch right now with a meth head butt-fucking his corpse!
Alan Garner: That's highly unlikely.

Lacey Underall: My uncle says you've got a screw loose.
Ty Webb: Your uncle molests collies.

You can't outrun me! I'm black!

Sergio Roma

Judge Smails: Oh Porterhouse, look at the wax build up on these shoes I want that wax stripped off there, then I want them creamed and buffed with a fine chamois, and I want them now. Chop chop.
Smoke Porterhouse: Yes judge, right away judge.

Matthew: I have a question for you real quick. What did you think of my demo? Did you get it?
Aldous Snow: I was gonna listen to that, but then, um, I just carried on living my life.

[clears throat] Well, I could be wrong, but I believe, uh, diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.

Ron Burgundy

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