Favorite Comedy Quotes
McLovin? Were you violating that young girl? Were you violating her with you penis?Officer Slater
Damian: Taylor Zimmermann, two for you. Glenn Coco? FOUR for you, Glenn Coco! You go, Glenn Coco. And uh..."Caddy" Heron. Do we have a "Caddy" Heron here?
Cady: It's Cady.
Damian: Oh Cady, here you go, one for you... And none for Gretchen Wieners, bye.
What is it about good sex that makes me have to crap? You really jarred something loose tiger.Landlady
You will not make this putt... jackass!Donald
[Rasputia is about to kill Norbit]
Mr. Wong: WHALE HO!
Rasputia: Did somebody just call me a whale?
Mr. Wong: Yeah! And a ho!
Juno MacGuff: [yelling through the house] Uh, dad?
Mac MacGuff: Yeah?
Juno MacGuff: Either I just wet my pants... or...
Mac MacGuff: "Or"...?
Juno MacGuff: Or... THUNDERCATS ARE GO!
Chazz Reinhold: So how's my protÃ©gÃ©?
John Beckwith: Jeremy, believe it or not, is getting married!
Chazz Reinhold: What? What an idiot! What a loser! Good! Good! More for you and me.
Officer Slater: Ethnically, was he like uh... uh... African?
Liquor Store Woman: Was he African? He was like you.
Officer Michaels: He's Jewish, so we have an African Jew wearing a hoodie.
Remy: [observing what Emile is eating] What is that?
Emile: [pause] I don't really know.
Remy: You dunno... and you're eating it?
Emile: You know, once you muscle your way past the gag reflex, all kinds of possibilities open up.
Remy: This is what I'm talking about.
This crowd has gone deadly silent, a Cinderella story outta nowhere. Former greenskeeper and now about to become the masters champion.Carl Spackler
If I could just have the thing and give it to you now, I totally would. But I'm guessing it looks, probably like a sea monkey right now, and I should let it get a little cuter.Juno MacGuff
Pedro: Do you think people will vote for me?
Napoleon Dynamite: Heck yes! I'd vote for you.
Pedro: Like what are my skills?
Napoleon Dynamite: Well, you have a sweet bike. And you're really good at hooking up with chicks. Plus you're like the only guy at school who has a mustache.