Favorite Comedy Quotes
It was all that Dan Marino's fault, everyone knows that. If he had held the ball, laces out, like he was supposed to, Ray would never have missed that kick. Dan Marino should die of gonorrhea and rot in hell. Would you like a cookie, son?Mrs. Finkle
Walter Sobchak: Were you listening to The Dude's story, Donny?
The Dude: Walter...
Walter Sobchak: Were you listening to The Dude's story?
Donny: I was bowling.
Walter Sobchak: So you have no frame of reference here, Donny. You're like a child who wanders into the middle of a movie and wants to know...
The Dude: (interrupting) Walter, Walter, what's the point, man?
Walter Sobchak: There's no reason - here's my point, dude, there's no fucking reason why these two...
Donny: Yeah, Walter, what's your point?
Evan: I heard she got breast reduction surgery.
Seth: Breast Reduction Surgery? That's like slapping God across the face for giving you a beautiful gift.
Evan: She had back-problems, man.
Dinner host: I called the police.
Borat: Why? Did the retard escape?
Benjamin is nobody's friend. If Benjamin were an ice cream flavor, he'd be pralines and dick.Garth Algar
I'll be like the Iron Chef of pounding Vag.Seth
I am not going to sit on my ass as the events that affect me unfold to determine the course of my life. I'm going to take a stand. I'm going to defend it. Right or wrong, I'm going to defend it.Cameron
Oh, you know what? Next week's no good for me... The Jonas Brothers are in town. But any week after that, it's totally fine.Alan Garner
Karen: If you're from Africa, why are you white?
Gretchen: Oh my God, Karen, you can't just ask people why they're white.
[after finding out he is color blind and can't fly jets] FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!Dwayne
Gretchen: That is so fetch!
Regina: Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen! It's not going to happen!
You're so wise. You're like a miniature Buddha, covered with hair.Ron Burgundy