Favorite Comedy Quotes
You crapped on my heart.Foster
Police Chief Grady: I will have the enchilada platter with two tacos and no guacamoles. Mike?
Local Officer Rando: Yeah, chief. I'll have a CHINCHILLA!
Rabbit: I don't get it. Tacos?
Thorny: They think I'm Mexican.
Rabbit: You're not?
Tracy Turnblad: Oh, Link, I wish I had dark skin.
Link Larkin: Tracy, our souls are black, though our skin is white.
Bunny Lebowski: I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars.
Brandt: Ah hahahahaha! Wonderful woman. We're all, we're all very fond of her. Very free-spirited.
Bunny Lebowski: Brandt can't watch, though, or he has to pay a hundred.
Brandt: Ah haha. That's marvelous.
The Dude: Uh, I'm just gonna go find a cash machine.
Hancock: [leans in close to Michel] Call me a jackass one more time.
Hancock: [grabs Michel and launches him into the sky; turns to chubby kid] You got a problem Thickness?
[chubby kid shakes his head; turns to kid with glasses]
Hancock: How about you Goggles?
Losers are people who are so afraid of not winning, they don't even try.Grandpa
Six weeks ago Abdul here had a one way ticket to an arranged marriage with a broad he never met in Bangladesh. Now he's crushing ass every Thursday night at our mixersBeanie
[to the dead Graboid, which he shot several thousand times] Guess you broke into the wrong God damn rec room, didn't ya!Burt Gummer
What am I gonna do with 40 subscriptions to Vibe?Peter Gibbons
[licking window of police car] The snozzberries taste like snozzberries!College Kid
I look like a nerdy hillbilly!Stu Price
Find me that piece of paper I had in my hand yesterday morning.Miranda Priestly