Borat Sagdiyev: What kind of car can I buy that attract woman with hairless vagine?
Car Dealership owner: That would be a Corvette.

Bob Porter: Looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately.
Peter Gibbons: Well, I wouldn't exactly say I've been "missing" it, Bob.

Prince Humperdinck: First things first, to the death.
Westley: No. To the pain.
Prince Humperdinck: I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase.
Westley: I'll explain and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog faced buffoon.
Prince Humperdinck: That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me.
Westley: It won't be the last. To the pain means the first thing you will lose will be your feet below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists. Next your nose.
Prince Humperdinck: And then my tongue I suppose, I killed you too quickly the last time. A mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight.
Westley: I wasn't finished. The next thing you will lose will be your left eye followed by your right.
Prince Humperdinck: And then my ears, I understand let's get on with it.
Westley: WRONG. Your ears you keep and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, "Dear God! What is that thing," will echo in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.

Oops. That's not your vagina. That's your asshole.

Female Doctor

Nicholas Angel: You're a doctor, deal with it!
Danny Butterman: Yeah, motherfucker!

[Dana, possessed by "The Gatekeeper," answers the door]
Dana Barrett: Are you the Keymaster?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Not that I know of.
[She slams the door in his face. Venkman knocks again]
Dana Barrett: Are you the Keymaster?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Yes. Actually I'm a friend of his, he asked me to meet him here.

I hear words like "beauty" and "handsomness" and "incredibly chiseled features" and for me that's like a vanity of self absorption that I try to steer clear of.


Elizabeth Swann: Why doesn't your compass work?
Jack Sparrow: ...My compass works fine.

Peter Gibbons: What would you do if you had a million dollars?
Lawrence: I'll tell you what I'd do, man, two chicks at the same time, man.
Peter Gibbons: That's it? If you had a million dollars, you'd do two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I had a million dollars I could hook that up, cause chicks dig a dude with money.
Peter Gibbons: Well, not all chicks.
Lawrence: Well the kind of chicks that'd double up on a dude like me do.
Peter Gibbons: Good point.

That's right, keep steppin'. I'll hit an old man in public!

Alan Garner

We missed you at the wedding. It was really classy. We had a Styx cover band, and a nacho fountain.

Cal Naughton Jr

Napoleon Dynamite: Who are you?
LaFawnduh: I'm LaFawnduh.
Napoleon Dynamite: What are you doing here?
LaFawnduh: I'm waiting for Kip.
Napoleon Dynamite: Kip?
LaFawnduh: Why are you so sweaty?
Napoleon Dynamite: I've been practicing.
LaFawnduh: Mmmm. Practicing what?
Napoleon Dynamite: Some dance moves.
LaFawnduh: You like dancing?

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