Favorite Comedy Quotes
Just a moment. I hear people wanting something... ME!RamÃ³n
You're gonna need a blanket and suntan lotion, cause you're never gonna get off that beach, just like the way you never got into the NHL... you jackass!Donald
Seth: [referring to Evan's mother] I am truly jealous you got to suck on those tits when you were a baby.
Evan: Yeah, well, at least you got to suck on your dad's dick.
Seth: [shrugs] It's a nice lookin' dick.
Ricky Bobby: Nobody plays jazz at The Pit Stop!
Jean Girrard: Then why is the song on the jukebox?
Bartender: We keep it on there for profiling purposes. We also have the Pet Shop Boys and Seal.
Nina: Now Milton, don't be greedy, let's pass it along and make sure everyone gets a piece!
Milton Waddams: Yeah, but last time I didn't receive a piece.
Nina: Just pass.
Milton Waddams: [mumbling] But... the ration of people to cake is...
[cake is passed, everybody but Milton gets a piece]
Milton Waddams: [whispering] Set the building on fire.
[to Pintel and Ragetti] Guard the boat, mind the tide... don't touch my dirt.Jack Sparrow
[about Andy telling Trish he's a virgin]
Andy Stitzer: What if she laughs at me?
Cal: Then you punch her in the fucking head.
[talking about Trish being a grandma] You should fuck her and then have her send you $12 on your birthday.Cal
Elizabeth Swann: We're not getting out of this.
Norrington: Not with the chest. Into the boat.
Elizabeth Swann: You're mad.
Norrington: Don't wait for me.
[runs away from the longboat with the chest]
Jack Sparrow: Uh, I say we respect his final wish.
I was a slut. There will always be a part of me that is dirty and sloppy, but I like that, just like all the other parts of myself. I can forgive. Can you say the same for yourself, fucker? Can you forgive? Are you capable of that?Tiffany
This is good stuff. I got it from a Negro. You're probably high already and you don't even know it.Spalding Smails
Who the hell was eating that turkey ass?Rasputia