Nicholas Angel: You're a doctor, deal with it!
Danny Butterman: Yeah, motherfucker!

I hear words like "beauty" and "handsomness" and "incredibly chiseled features" and for me that's like a vanity of self absorption that I try to steer clear of.

Hansel

Peter Gibbons: What would you do if you had a million dollars?
Lawrence: I'll tell you what I'd do, man, two chicks at the same time, man.
Peter Gibbons: That's it? If you had a million dollars, you'd do two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I had a million dollars I could hook that up, cause chicks dig a dude with money.
Peter Gibbons: Well, not all chicks.
Lawrence: Well the kind of chicks that'd double up on a dude like me do.
Peter Gibbons: Good point.

Elizabeth Swann: Why doesn't your compass work?
Jack Sparrow: ...My compass works fine.

[Dana, possessed by "The Gatekeeper," answers the door]
Dana Barrett: Are you the Keymaster?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Not that I know of.
[She slams the door in his face. Venkman knocks again]
Dana Barrett: Are you the Keymaster?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Yes. Actually I'm a friend of his, he asked me to meet him here.

Napoleon Dynamite: Who are you?
LaFawnduh: I'm LaFawnduh.
Napoleon Dynamite: What are you doing here?
LaFawnduh: I'm waiting for Kip.
Napoleon Dynamite: Kip?
LaFawnduh: Why are you so sweaty?
Napoleon Dynamite: I've been practicing.
LaFawnduh: Mmmm. Practicing what?
Napoleon Dynamite: Some dance moves.
LaFawnduh: You like dancing?

Just a moment. I hear people wanting something... ME!

Ramón

Tommy: Hey, I'll tell you what. You can get a good look at a butcher's ass by sticking your head up there. But, wouldn't you rather to take his word for it?
Mr. Brady, Customer: [confused] What? I'm failing to make the connection here.
Tommy: No, I mean is, you can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking your head up a butcher's ass... No, wait. It's gotta be your bull.
Richard: Wow.

Seth: [referring to Evan's mother] I am truly jealous you got to suck on those tits when you were a baby.
Evan: Yeah, well, at least you got to suck on your dad's dick.
Seth: [shrugs] It's a nice lookin' dick.

This is good stuff. I got it from a Negro. You're probably high already and you don't even know it.

Spalding Smails

Who the hell was eating that turkey ass?

Rasputia

Ricky Bobby: Nobody plays jazz at The Pit Stop!
Jean Girrard: Then why is the song on the jukebox?
Bartender: We keep it on there for profiling purposes. We also have the Pet Shop Boys and Seal.

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