Favorite Comedy Quotes
[about Andy telling Trish he's a virgin]
Andy Stitzer: What if she laughs at me?
Cal: Then you punch her in the fucking head.
Bitch! You know what I want! Hahahahaha! I wanna talk to Samson! Fly me to the moon like that bitch Alice Kramden! 'Cause it's hard being black and gifted! Sometimes I wanna throw it all down and get lifted!Sir-Smoke-Alot
Rob Newhouse: Conjugal visits? Mmmm. Not that I know of. Y'know, minimum-security prison is no picnic. I have a client in there right now. He says the trick is: kick someone's ass the first day, or become someone's bitch. Then everything will be all right... Why do you ask, anyway?
I passed through the seven levels of the Candy Cane forest, through the sea of swirly twirly gum drops, and then I walked through the Lincoln Tunnel.Buddy
"What is this a P.F. Chang's?"Alan
[As Annie's teeth is blackened by what she is eating, looking like she is missing teeth]
Annie: I don't need dental work.
Lillian: You are right.
Annie: There is nothing wrong with my teeth.
Lillian: You are so beautiful. Will you marry me?
Dr Ray Stantz: Symmetrical book stacking. Just like the Philadelphia mass turbulence of 1947.
Dr. Peter Venkman: You're right, no human being would stack books like this.
Mmm, yeah, I'm going to have to go ahead and ask you to come in on Sunday, too. We've got some new people coming in and we... need to play catch-up. Thanks!Bill Lumbergh
Groundskeeper Sandy: Carl. Damn your eyes. I told you, today is the day we change the holes. Now, do it, and no more slacking off.
Carl Spackler: I'll slack you off, you fuzzy little foreigner.
Mini Me? Mini Me? For God's sake would somone put a fricken bell on him or something.Dr. Evil
Harry: One time, we successfully mated a bulldog with a Shih-Tzu.
Mary: Really? That's weird.
Harry: Yeah, we called it a bullshit.
Oh Mrs. Crane, you're a little monkey woman. Yeah, you're lean, mean, and I bet you're not too far in between are ya. How'd you like to wrap your spikes around my...Carl Spackler