Favorite Comedy Quotes
Nina: Now Milton, don't be greedy, let's pass it along and make sure everyone gets a piece!
Milton Waddams: Yeah, but last time I didn't receive a piece.
Nina: Just pass.
Milton Waddams: [mumbling] But... the ration of people to cake is...
[cake is passed, everybody but Milton gets a piece]
Milton Waddams: [whispering] Set the building on fire.
[to Pintel and Ragetti] Guard the boat, mind the tide... don't touch my dirt.Jack Sparrow
Elizabeth Swann: We're not getting out of this.
Norrington: Not with the chest. Into the boat.
Elizabeth Swann: You're mad.
Norrington: Don't wait for me.
[runs away from the longboat with the chest]
Jack Sparrow: Uh, I say we respect his final wish.
[about Andy telling Trish he's a virgin]
Andy Stitzer: What if she laughs at me?
Cal: Then you punch her in the fucking head.
[talking about Trish being a grandma] You should fuck her and then have her send you $12 on your birthday.Cal
You're gonna need a blanket and suntan lotion, cause you're never gonna get off that beach, just like the way you never got into the NHL... you jackass!Donald
I was a slut. There will always be a part of me that is dirty and sloppy, but I like that, just like all the other parts of myself. I can forgive. Can you say the same for yourself, fucker? Can you forgive? Are you capable of that?Tiffany
[to Andy] There you are Emily. How many times do I have to scream your name?Miranda Priestly
[about Mini-me] Jesus Christ, he's tiny! I've had bigger chunks of corn in my crap.Fat Bastard
Miracle Max: Have fun stormin' da castle.
Valerie: Think it'll work?
Miracle Max: It would take a miracle.
Bitch! You know what I want! Hahahahaha! I wanna talk to Samson! Fly me to the moon like that bitch Alice Kramden! 'Cause it's hard being black and gifted! Sometimes I wanna throw it all down and get lifted!Sir-Smoke-Alot
Up your butt, Jobu.Eddie Harris