Favorite Comedy Quotes
Up your butt, Jobu.Eddie Harris
You may run like Hayes. but you hit like shit.Lou Brown
Bet ya that chick's two tons of fun. You know, the grateful type?Jack
Napoleon Dynamite: What kind of bike do you have?
Pedro: It's a sledgehammer.
Napoleon Dynamite: Dang! You got shocks, pegs... lucky! You ever take it off any sweet jumps?
Napoleon Dynamite: [Cut to Pedro jumping] You got like three feet of air that time.
Dr Ray Stantz: Symmetrical book stacking. Just like the Philadelphia mass turbulence of 1947.
Dr. Peter Venkman: You're right, no human being would stack books like this.
Groundskeeper Sandy: Carl. Damn your eyes. I told you, today is the day we change the holes. Now, do it, and no more slacking off.
Carl Spackler: I'll slack you off, you fuzzy little foreigner.
Man: [aggressively] What do you want?
Ace Ventura: HDS, sir, and how are you this afternoon? All righty, then. I have a package for you.
Man: Sounds broken.
Ace Ventura: Most likely, sir. I'll bet it was something nice, though.
Oh Mrs. Crane, you're a little monkey woman. Yeah, you're lean, mean, and I bet you're not too far in between are ya. How'd you like to wrap your spikes around my...Carl Spackler
Well, we're waiting!Judge Smails
Listen, Lassie, and listen good. I'm not saying he's not gonna get married. I'm not saying he's not gonna have kids. If it does happen, his wife is gonna come home, and find him with his Tiajuana lover clubbing each other with Yanni's greatest hits.Gary
Crash Davis: You just got lesson number one: don't think; it can only hurt the ball club.
Bazooko's Circus is what the whole hep world would be doing Saturday nights if the Nazis had won the war. This was the Sixth Reich.Raoul Duke