Favorite Comedy Quotes
It did sound a little wet, there didn't it? Right at the end! Oooh! Heh heh heh. Let's have a smell, all right? Oh, everyone likes their own brand, don't they? Oh, this is magic! Hmmm, wafting, wafting. Ok, analysis. Ooh, smells like carrots in throw-up! Oh that could gag a maggot! I smell like hot sick... ass in a dead carcass! Even stink would say that stinks! You know when you go into an apartment building and you smell the other people's cooking on each floor and you go "What are they cookin'?" That, plus crap!Fat Bastard
Well, we're waiting!Judge Smails
Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty.Derek Zoolander
What's the matter, Danny? Never taken a shortcut before?Nicholas Angel
[proceeds to leap over a series of backyard fences]
Andrew Largeman: It looks nice in here.
Gideon Largeman: Yeah, we've been doing some work to the place.
Andrew Largeman: Really?
Gideon Largeman: No, I don't know why I just said that.
What do you call the three rings of marriage? Engagement ring, wedding ring and insuffering...Cedric
Fairchild Van Waldenberg: Mommy and Daddy would've wanted you to do it!
Stranz Van Waldenberg: Yeah, remember how they used to be alive?
I am going to be SO pissed if it doesn't.Evan Baxter
Eli: What'd you say?
Richie: Hmm? I didn't say anything.
Eli: When? Right now?
Brian: Get some sour cream and onion chips with some dip, man, some beef jerky, some peanut butter. Get some HÃ¤agen-Dazs ice cream bars, a whole lot, make sure chocolate, gotta have chocolate, man. Some popcorn, red popcorn, graham crackers, graham crackers with marshmallows, the little marshmallows and little chocolate bars and we can make s'mores, man. Also, celery, grape jelly, Cap'n Crunch with the little Crunch berries, pizzas. We need two big pizzas, man, everything on 'em, with water, whole lotta water, and Funyons.
Kenny: That's it?
Ted: Hey, thanks for 9/11.
Indian woman: I'm Indian.
Ted: Yeah, whatever.
Kat Stratford: We're going now.
Walter Stratford: Alright, wait a minute. No drinking, no drugs, no kissing, no tattoos, no piercings, NO ritual animal slaughters of any kind... oh God, I'm giving them ideas.