Favorite Comedy Quotes
Just imagine if girls weren't weirded out by our boners and stuff, and just like wanted to see them. That's the world I one day want to live in.Evan
Kevin: What about you? You don't have any needs?
Jane: No. I'm Jesus.
[narrating] He insist we not fly, in case the Jews repeated their attack of 9/11.Borat
Borat: Although Kazakhstan a glorious country, it have a problem, too: economic, social and Jew.
[to Jack] Curiosity. You're going to want it. A chance to be admired, and gain the rewrds that follow. You won't be able to resist. You're going to want to know what it tastes like.Elizabeth Swann
We support your war of terror.Borat
Jeremy Grey: Okay, what's our back story?
John Beckwith: We're brothers from New Hampshire. We're venture capitalists.
Jeremy Grey: I'm sick of that. Let's be from Vermont. And let's have an emerging maple syrup conglomerate.
John Beckwith: Wait, that's stupid. We don't know anything about maple syrup.
Jeremy Grey: I happen to know everything there is to know about maple syrup! I love maple syrup. I love maple syrup on pancakes. I love it on pizza. And I take maple syrup and put a little bit in my hair when I've had a rough week. What do you think holds it up, slick?
...I'm a steel trap. Whatever happens tonight, i won't ever ever speak a word of it. Seriously. I don't care what happens. I don't care if we kill someone.Alan Garner
John Bender: Stupid, worthless, no good, goddamn, freeloading son of a bitch. Retarded, big mouth, know-it-all, asshole, jerk. You forgot ugly, lazy and disrespectful. Shut up bitch. Go fix me a turkey pot pie. No dad, what about you? Fuck you. No dad, what about you? Fuck you. Dad, what about you? Fuck you.
Brian Johnson: Is that for real?
This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff.Carl Spackler
Noah: My name's Noah Jaybird. Ca caa! What's your name?
Soul Baby: They call me Soul. Soul Baby.
Noah: Soul Baby?
Soul Baby: Yeah.
Noah: Keep it in control baby. Tears, no fears man.
Soul Baby: Is that right?
Noah: Respect it, don't neglect it. Treat it, don't beat it.
Soul Baby: You're a bada** motherf**ker.
[to Andy, in a bar] All you got to do is use your instincts. How do you think a lion knows to tackle a gazelle? It's written, it's a code written in his DNA, says, "tackle the gazelle." And believe it or not, in every man there's a code written that says, "tackle drunk bitches."Jay