Favorite Comedy Quotes
Stu Price: Oh my God, I can't believe I gave away my grandmother's Holocaust ring to a complete stranger.
Alan Garner: Yeah, I didn't even know they gave out rings during the Holocaust.
It's like a division sign.Evan
Jeff Megall: Sony has a futuristic sci-fi movie they're looking to make.
Nick Naylor: Cigarettes in space?
Jeff Megall: It's the final frontier, Nick.
Nick Naylor: But wouldn't they blow up in an all oxygen environment?
Jeff Megall: Probably. But it's an easy fix. One line of dialogue. 'Thank God we invented the... you know, whatever device.'
I caught you a delicious bass.Napoleon Dynamite
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.Judge Smails
Danny, I'm having a party this weekend. [pauses a beat] How would you like to come over and mow my lawn?Judge Smails
I opened up to you, and you judged me.Tiffany
Vagina shark!Steve Stifler
You'll never know what you can't achieve, until you don't achieve it.Mr. Gordon
Now that's what I call high quality H2O.Bobby Boucher
I'd suck a fart out her asshole and hold it like a bong hit.Stu
The Dude: Mr. Treehorn treats objects like women, man.
Police Chief: Mr. Treehorn draws a lot of water in this town. You don't draw shit, Lebowski. Now we got a nice, quiet little beach community here, and I aim to keep it nice and quiet. So let me make something plain. I don't like you sucking around, bothering our citizens, Lebowski. I don't like your jerk-off name. I don't like your jerk-off face. I don't like your jerk-off behavior, and I don't like you, jerk-off. Do I make myself clear?
The Dude: I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.