Mr. Burgundy. You have a massive erection.

Veronica Corningstone

[narrating] I had not come to Hollywood to fight with a man dressed as Hitler.

Borat

Dana Barrett: [possessed by Zuul] Do you want this body?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Is this a trick question?

Craig Jones: We ain't got no sugar.
Smokey: No sugar? Damn. Y'all ain't never got two things that match. Either y'all got Kool-aid, no sugar. Peanut butter, no jelly. Ham, no burger. Daaamn.

Tom Smykowski: It's a "Jump to Conclusions" mat! You see, you have this mat, with different CONCLUSIONS written on it that you could JUMP TO!
Michael Bolton: That's the worst idea I've ever heard in my life, Tom.
Samir: Yes, this is horrible, this idea.

Coach Klein: Gatorade not only quenches your thirst better, it tastes better too.
Bobby Boucher: No.
Coach Klein: Gatorade.
Bobby Boucher: H2O.
Coach Klein: Gatorade.
Bobby Boucher: H2O.
Coach Klein: Water sucks. It really, really sucks. Water sucks.

Maxwell Smart: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
The Chief: I don't know. Were you thinking, "Holy shit, holy shit, a sword fish almost went through my head"? If so, the

Don't forget, I'm his father. You're just the guy who fucks his mom.

Nick Naylor

Harry: Nice set of hooters you got there!
Mary: I beg your pardon?
Harry: The owls! They're beautiful!

I know she's kind of socially retarded and weird, but she's my friend... so, just promise me you wont make fun of her!

Regina

Annie Savoy: [narrating] I believe in the Church of Baseball. I've tried all the major religions, and most of the minor ones. I've worshipped Buddha, Allah, Brahma, Vishnu, Siva, trees, mushrooms, and Isadora Duncan. I know things. For instance, there are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary and there are 108 stitches in a baseball. When I heard that, I gave Jesus a chance. But it just didn't work out between us. The Lord laid too much guilt on me. I prefer metaphysics to theology. You see, there's no guilt in baseball, and it's never boring... which makes it like sex. There's never been a ballplayer slept with me who didn't have the best year of his career. Making love is like hitting a baseball: you just gotta relax and concentrate. Besides, I'd never sleep with a player hitting under .250... not unless he had a lot of RBIs and was a great glove man up the middle. You see, there's a certain amount of life wisdom I give these boys. I can expand their minds. Sometimes when I've got a ballplayer alone, I'll just read Emily Dickinson or Walt Whitman to him, and the guys are so sweet, they always stay and listen. 'Course, a guy'll listen to anything if he thinks it's foreplay. I make them feel confident, and they make me feel safe, and pretty. 'Course, what I give them lasts a lifetime; what they give me lasts 142 games. Sometimes it seems like a bad trade. But bad trades are part of baseball - now who can forget Frank Robinson for Milt Pappas, for God's sake? It's a long season and you gotta trust. I've tried 'em all, I really have, and the only church that truly feeds the soul, day in, day out, is the Church of Baseball.

[subtitled] Urkin, not too much raping... Humans only!

Borat

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