Favorite Comedy Quotes
I caught you a delicious bass.Napoleon Dynamite
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.Judge Smails
Danny, I'm having a party this weekend. [pauses a beat] How would you like to come over and mow my lawn?Judge Smails
I opened up to you, and you judged me.Tiffany
Vagina shark!Steve Stifler
You'll never know what you can't achieve, until you don't achieve it.Mr. Gordon
Now that's what I call high quality H2O.Bobby Boucher
The Dude: Mr. Treehorn treats objects like women, man.
Police Chief: Mr. Treehorn draws a lot of water in this town. You don't draw shit, Lebowski. Now we got a nice, quiet little beach community here, and I aim to keep it nice and quiet. So let me make something plain. I don't like you sucking around, bothering our citizens, Lebowski. I don't like your jerk-off name. I don't like your jerk-off face. I don't like your jerk-off behavior, and I don't like you, jerk-off. Do I make myself clear?
The Dude: I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.
I'd suck a fart out her asshole and hold it like a bong hit.Stu
Mr. Burgundy. You have a massive erection.Veronica Corningstone
Dana Barrett: [possessed by Zuul] Do you want this body?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Is this a trick question?
Tom Smykowski: It's a "Jump to Conclusions" mat! You see, you have this mat, with different CONCLUSIONS written on it that you could JUMP TO!
Michael Bolton: That's the worst idea I've ever heard in my life, Tom.
Samir: Yes, this is horrible, this idea.