Favorite Comedy Quotes
Spalding Smails: I want a hamburger... no, a cheeseburger. I want a hot dog. I want a milkshake...
Judge Smails: You'll get nothing, and like it.
Nobody has gotten a B.J. in cargo shorts since Vietnam!Seth
Health Clinic Counselor: Oral sex play...
Boy at Health Clinic: Sounds like my Friday night.
Dad at Health Clinic: Oh, shut up Seth, we went to temple.
Ay ay ay if I want to hear you talk I will shove my arm up your ass and work your mouth like a puppet.P.K. Highsmith
[talking to Home Ec. Teacher] You know, Home Ec. is a joke. Everyone takes it to just get an A. Not to disgrace your profession or anything. There's three weeks left in school, just give me a fucking break! I'm sorry for cursing.Seth
Thorny: You smell something, Rabbit?
Rabbit: *sniff sniff* ... Fear.
Trisha: Hi, is Napoleon there?
Napoleon Dynamite: Yes.
Trisha: Can I talk to him?
Napoleon Dynamite: You already are.
Nobody sits like this rock sits. You rock, rock. The rock just sits and is. You show us how to just sit here and that's what we need.Albert Markovski
There is a very good reason for why my fake I.D. says I'm 25 and not 21. Everyday hundreds of kids go to the liquor store with fake I.D.s that say they're 21. Just how many 21-year-olds are there in this town? It's called strategy.Fogell
Jeremy Grey: Do you know what that awareness is, Gloria?
Gloria Cleary: What?
Jeremy Grey: That we're all one. That seperateness is an illusion, and that I'm one with everyone - with the Prime Minister of England, and my cousin Harry, you and me, the fat kid from 'What's Happening,' the Olsen twins, Natalie Portman, the guy who wrote 'Catcher in the Rye,' Nat King Cole, Carrot Top, Jay-Z, Weird Al Yankovic, Harry Potter, if he existed, the whore on the street corner, your mother. We're all one.
Regina: Oh my God, I love your skirt! Where did you get it?
Lea Edwards: It was my mom's in the '80s.
Regina: Vintage, so adorable.
Lea Edwards: Thanks!
Regina: That is the ugliest f-ing skirt I've ever seen.
John Beckwith: We lost a lot of good men out there.
Bridesmaid: Playing with the Yankees?
John Beckwith: Yes, we lost a lot of good men to trades and unruly fans. Look I don't want to talk about it. I'm sorry.