Favorite Comedy Quotes
Gayle Sweeny: Watch your language, Ronnie.
Ronnie Shields: My language is English and this mother fucker tried to grab my junk.
Safe... when I'm with you I feel so safe... like I'm home.Andrew Largeman
I spent like three hours doing shading the upper lip. It's probably the best drawing I've ever done.Napoleon Dynamite
Ah, devil ether. It makes you behave like the village drunkard in some early Irish novel. Total loss of all basic motor function. Blurred vision, no balance, numb tongue. The mind recoils in horror, unable to communicate with the spinal column. Which is interesting because you can actually watch yourself behaving in this terrible way, but you can't control it.Raoul Duke
The Dude: Fuckin' Quintana... that creep can roll, man.
Walter Sobchak: Yeah, but he's a pervert, Dude.
The Dude: Yeah.
Walter Sobchak: No, he's a sex offender. With a record. He served 6 months in Chino for exposing himself to an eight year old.
The Dude: Oh!
Walter Sobchak: When he moved to Hollywood he had to go door to door to tell everyone he was a pederast.
Donny: What's a pederast, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny.
Yeah I called her up, she gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something, I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.Harry
You gonna set my country music award on fire?Rabbit
Matthew: It's not funny.
Danielle: It's a little funny.
Annie: You read my diary.
Annie's roommate: At first I did not know it was your diary... I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.
Officer Michaels: [out of breath] He's a freak...
Officer Michaels: He's the fastest kid alive...
What are you doing? It's a game of touch football, every time I look over you're on your ass again.John Beckwith
Dude! That means that by some fate we were paired together and she thought of me. Thought of me enough to want me to be responsible for the entire funness of her party! She wants to fuck me! She wants my dick in and around her mouth!Seth