Favorite Comedy Quotes
Police Chief Grady: I will have the enchilada platter with two tacos and no guacamoles. Mike?
Local Officer Rando: Yeah, chief. I'll have a CHINCHILLA!
Rabbit: I don't get it. Tacos?
Thorny: They think I'm Mexican.
Rabbit: You're not?
[to Tallahasse] Are you some type of cock blocking robot developed in some secret fucking government lab?Columbus
[licking window of police car] The snozzberries taste like snozzberries!College Kid
[singing] When Cameron was in Egypt's land..."let my Cameron go!"Cameron
God damn mescaline. Why the fuck can't they make it a little less pure?Dr. Gonzo
Hancock: [leans in close to Michel] Call me a jackass one more time.
Hancock: [grabs Michel and launches him into the sky; turns to chubby kid] You got a problem Thickness?
[chubby kid shakes his head; turns to kid with glasses]
Hancock: How about you Goggles?
Vinny Gambini: What about these pants I got on? You think they're okay?
Mona Lisa Vito: Imagine you're a deer. You're prancing along. You get thirsty. You spot a little brook. You put your little deer lips down to the cool, clear water - BAM. A fuckin' bullet rips off part of your head. Your brains are lying on the ground in little bloody pieces. Now I ask ya, would you give a fuck what kind of pants the son-of-a-bitch who shot you was wearing?
You know how when you grab a woman's breast... it feels like... a bag of sand.Andy Stitzer
Come on out. Oh, the weather outside is weather...Surfing Instructor
Shrek: Um... Fiona?
Princess Fiona: Yes, Shrek?
Shrek: I... I love you.
Princess Fiona: Really?
Shrek: Really, really!
Shrek: Mmmm... I love you too.
Can we make out now?Paulie Bleeker
Tracy Turnblad: Oh, Link, I wish I had dark skin.
Link Larkin: Tracy, our souls are black, though our skin is white.