Favorite Comedy Quotes
Thorny: Say Farva, you wanna take this dispatch?
Farva: Hell, yeah!
Thorny: Yeah, I bet you would.
Michael: Sweet love, renew thy force.
[Start of Shakespeare's Sonnet LVI]
Patrick: Hey! Don't say shit like that to me. People can hear you.
Vizzini: Finish him. Finish him, your way.
Fezzik: Oh good, my way. Thank you Vizzini... what's my way?
Vizzini: Pick up one of those rocks, get behind a boulder, in a few minutes the man in black will come running around the bend, the minute his head is in view, hit it with the rock!!
Fezzik: My way's not very sportsman-like.
Mac MacGuff: And this, of course, is Juno.
Mark Loring: Juno, like the city in Alaska?
Juno MacGuff: No.
Mark Loring: Oh okay...
Mac MacGuff: Who's the father?
Juno MacGuff: It's... it's Paulie Bleeker
Juno MacGuff: ... What?
Mac MacGuff: I didn't think he had it in him.
Leah: I know, right?
Holy shit, a talking beaver!Lucy
Vicki St. Elmo: I'm a virgin.
MacGruber: Not for long.
Like a Viagra pill with a face!P.K. Highsmith
You need to have a little faith, Tibby. Not everyone you love is going to leave you.Brian McBrian
I just got a shipment of Pineapple Express, the dopest dope I've ever smoked. Smellll it. It's like... God's vagina.Saul
Red: [points to his armpits] You see this? There's no hair under here!
Dale Denton: What's the significance of that?
Red: It makes me aerodynamic, for fighting!
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Dave, there are two kinds of angry people - explosive and implosive. Explosive is the type of individual you see screaming at the cashier for not taking his coupon. Implosive is the cashier who remains quiet day after day and then finally shoots everyone in the store. You're the cashier.
Dave Buznik: No, no, no. I'm the guy in the frozen food section diallin' 911. I swear.