Favorite Comedy Quotes
I just got a shipment of Pineapple Express, the dopest dope I've ever smoked. Smellll it. It's like... God's vagina.Saul
You know I was thinking we could go back home... have some dinner and pop in the Sisqo CD... no? Weren't thinking that? Ok.Frank
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Dave, there are two kinds of angry people - explosive and implosive. Explosive is the type of individual you see screaming at the cashier for not taking his coupon. Implosive is the cashier who remains quiet day after day and then finally shoots everyone in the store. You're the cashier.
Dave Buznik: No, no, no. I'm the guy in the frozen food section diallin' 911. I swear.
Boy, I could sure use some cupcakes or peanut butter cups right now.Mike
Max, can you earmuff for me? We are going to get so much ass here, it's going to be sick. I'm talking like crazy boy band ass.Beanie
Mark: Hey, vagina!
Andrew Largeman: Hey, what's up, guys? Uh, Sam, it's Mark, Dave, and you remember Jesse.
Dave: What's up?
Mark: Hey, nice to meet you. I'm sorry I said vagina just now. I didn't know you were here.
Sam: Oh, that's okay.
Mark: Nice. Let's get fucked up.
It's amazing how much of my life has been determined by a quarter inch piece of plastic.Andrew Largeman
You need to have a little faith, Tibby. Not everyone you love is going to leave you.Brian McBrian
Behind every great man... is a woman rolling her eyes.Bruce
Heywood: Going somewhere, meat?
Willie Mays Hayes: About 90 feet.
Kip: So, how long are we takin' about workin'?
Uncle Rico: What? Are you? you're already losing your steam?
Kip: No. I just? I have a chat room meeting at 4:00. I gotta be back here by then.
Uncle Rico: All right, you just start a little earlier. That's all.
Kip: All right.
Uncle Rico: Or else work afterwards. How long's the chat room?
Kip: Geez, sometimes up to three, four hours maybe... maybe not. I don't know.
Uncle Rico: You... you? you pay the bills for that? Does that cost money every time you're on, like, for minutes on the phone?
Kip: Yeah. Grandma's still payin' per minute. She gets kinda pissed at me sometimes 'cause I'm on there so long.
Uncle Rico: I'll bet she does. I'll tell you something, I'd be throwin' you out the window.
I'm sorry that I blocked your cock...Officer Slater