Dean Pritchard: Listen, Chang.
Megan Huang: It's Huang.
Dean Pritchard: Whatever.

Phil Wenneck: [while driving a squad car on the sidewalk and using the loudspeaker] Ma'am, in the leopard dress, you have an incredible rack.
Phil Wenneck: [to himself] I should have been a fucking cop.

I once thought I had mono for an entire year. It turned out I was just really bored.

Wayne Campbell

I'm a hand model, mama. A finger jockey. We think differently than the face and body boys... we're a different breed.

J.P. Prewitt

Katy: Hey, Droz, how 'bout this: Tonight, at the Pit, "Everyone Gets Laid."
Droz: It's tasteless, disgusting, and offensive. I love it.

Bless this ship, and all who sail on her. I christen thee The Flying WASP.

Mrs. Smails

Hey, man, I was doing some research for next year and I think I figured out which website I wanna subscribe to. The Vag-Tastic Voyage.

Seth

Wolfgang von Wolfhaus: It appears it is time to initiate Operation Recipe Retrieve.
[all cheer]
Gunter: Is that the title we all agreed on? I kind of like Operation Stein Grab.
Rolf: Or what about Brauheist 2006?
Gunter: Oh, that's a good one.
Rolf: Ja, It's kind of spunky.
Gunter: Ja, Its fun

I have to laugh, because I've outsmarted even myself. My enemy, my foe, is an animal. In order to conquer the animal, I have to learn to think like an animal. And, whenever possible, to look like one. I've gotta get inside this guy's pelt and crawl around for a few days.

Carl Spackler

Ty Webb: I like you Betty.
Danny Noonan: It's Danny sir.
Ty Webb: Danny.

Elwood: I bet these cops got SCMODS.
Jake: SCMODS?
Elwood: State County Municipal Offender Data System.

Oh, he's very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waistoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude.

Grace

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