Favorite Comedy Quotes
Old Woman: Excuse me, but can you blow me where the pampers is?
Old Woman: Can you blow me where the pampers is?
Old Woman: Can you show me where the campus is?
Catch you on the flip side, motherf****er!Annie
The Dude: Look, just stay away from my fucking lady friend.
Da Fino: Hey, I'm not messing with your special lady.
The Dude: She's not my special lady, she's my fucking lady friend. I'm just helping her conceive.
I have to laugh, because I've outsmarted even myself. My enemy, my foe, is an animal. In order to conquer the animal, I have to learn to think like an animal. And, whenever possible, to look like one. I've gotta get inside this guy's pelt and crawl around for a few days.Carl Spackler
Inigo Montoya: You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you.
Westley: You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die.
My name is Joel Goodson. I deal in human fulfillment. I grossed over eight thousand dollars in one night. Time of your life, huh kid?Joel Goodson
No, my webs were no miracle, Wilbur. I was only describing what I saw. The miracle is you.Charlotte A. Cavatica
Fuck you hormones!Ben Stone
I need to be helped. I need you to rub my back, put me in my onesie...whatever you need to do baby, I'm yours!Cedric
Ty Webb: I like you Betty.
Danny Noonan: It's Danny sir.
Ty Webb: Danny.
Bless this ship, and all who sail on her. I christen thee The Flying WASP.Mrs. Smails
I'm OK... but I can't say the same for these white devils.Thorny