Favorite Comedy Quotes
Alan Garner: What if Doug's dead? I can't afford to lose somebody close to me again, it hurts too much. I was so upset when my grandpa died.
Phil Wenneck: How'd he die?
Alan Garner: World War II.
Phil Wenneck: Died in battle?
Alan Garner: No, he was skiing in Vermont, it was just during World War II.
Sonny, true love is the greatest thing, in the world - except for a nice MLT - mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe.... mmm... they're so perky, I love that.Miracle Max
Miracle Max: Have fun stormin' da castle.
Valerie: Think it'll work?
Miracle Max: It would take a miracle.
Inigo Montoya: Are you the Miracle Max who worked for the king all those years?
Miracle Max: The King's stinking son fired me, and thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it? We're closed.
Prince Humperdinck: Surrender.
Westley: You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well, I accept.
My name is Joel Goodson. I deal in human fulfillment. I grossed over eight thousand dollars in one night. Time of your life, huh kid?Joel Goodson
Buttercup: You mock my pain.
Westley: Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.
Cameron: Well, you don't know. She could, uh, she could need a day to cool off.
[they all duck as a soccer ball flies past them]
Patrick: Maybe two.
Kat Stratford: You're looking at this from entirely the wrong perspective. We're making a statement.
Mandella: Oh goody, something new and different for us!
Joel Goodson: Porsche. There is no substitute.
Miles: Fuck you.
I don't believe this! I've got a trig midterm tomorrow, and I'm being chased by Guido, the killer pimp.Miles
Bianca: But she's a mutant! What if she never dates?
Walter Stratford: Then you'll never date. Oh, I like that.