Joel Goodson: Porsche. There is no substitute.
Miles: Fuck you.

I don't believe this! I've got a trig midterm tomorrow, and I'm being chased by Guido, the killer pimp.

Miles

Kat Stratford: You're looking at this from entirely the wrong perspective. We're making a statement.
Mandella: Oh goody, something new and different for us!

Bianca: [after Kat has told her that she went out with Joey] How is it possible that I did not know about this?
Kat Stratford: I warned him that if he told anyone, the cheerleading squad would find out how tiny his dick is!

Joey: Mr. Morgan, is there any chance we could get Kat to take her Midol *before* she comes to class?
Mr. Morgan: Someday, you gonna get bitch-slapped and I'm not gonna do a thing to stop it.

James Carter: What are they gonna do to us Li?
Lee: First they will torture us for 3 days.
James Carter: Ok,I can take that.
Lee: Then they will cut off our egg roles.
James Carter: Cut off our egg roles... Aww hell no we gotta get outta here

Brennan Huff: This house is a fucking prison!
Dale Doback: On Planet Bullshit!
Brennan Huff: In the galaxy of This Sucks Camel Dicks!

James Carter: [singing] Don't stop till you get enough!
Lee: Carter?
James Carter: Cha-mon!
Lee: Carter!
James Carter: Cha-mon, Lee!
James Carter: [sings] I'll be right back! I'll be right back!

Bianca: But she's a mutant! What if she never dates?
Walter Stratford: Then you'll never date. Oh, I like that.

Farva: What's this?
Rabbit: A chamois cloth.
Farva: Ha. Lucky guess. I just lost a buck. To myself.

Walter Stratford: My insurance does not cover PMS!
Kat Stratford: Well then, tell them I had a seizure.

David Seville: They're savings bonds. In seven years you will get enough money from them to buy something nice.
Alvin: Do you have any that you bought seven years ago?

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