Favorite Comedy Quotes
He's gonna marry me.Sloane
Virginia: Hey! What's going on?
Happy Gilmore: Oh, uh, I was just looking for the other half of this bottle and there's some of it and there's some of it right there, too.
Virginia: Why don't you just put it down?
Happy Gilmore: Yeah, I know.
So Jojo, what's uh, what's shakin'? What's happenin'? What's the word?The Mayor of Who-ville
Becca Crane: Jacob, run!
[Jacob jumps above Becca and lands in his chihuahua form. Becca disbelievingly]
Becca Crane: A chihuahua?
A drug person can learn to cope with things like seeing their dead grandmother crawling up their leg with a knife in her teeth. But no one should be asked to handle this trip.Raoul Duke
I don't believe this! I've got a trig midterm tomorrow, and I'm being chased by Guido, the killer pimp.Miles
Diego: Does it come with balloons?
Mark: What am I, a birthday clown? NO! It doesn't come with balloons. Suck it off the tap!
Joanna: How dare you judge me? Look at you. You're just some penny-stealing... criminal... man.
Peter Gibbons: Well that may be. But at least I never slept with Lumbergh.
You must have eaten, like, a hundred bucks worth of pot, and, like, 30 bucks worth of shrooms man!College Kid
Katy: Hey, Droz, how 'bout this: Tonight, at the Pit, "Everyone Gets Laid."
Droz: It's tasteless, disgusting, and offensive. I love it.
Well, I have all your equipment in my locker. You should probably come get it cause I can't fit my numchucks in there anymore.Napoleon Dynamite
Ash: [talking to mirror] I'm fine... I'm fine... Mirror Ash: I don't think so. We just cut up our girlfriend with a chainsaw. Does that sound "fine"?