Favorite Comedy Quotes
Joey: Mr. Morgan, is there any chance we could get Kat to take her Midol *before* she comes to class?
Mr. Morgan: Someday, you gonna get bitch-slapped and I'm not gonna do a thing to stop it.
You must have eaten, like, a hundred bucks worth of pot, and, like, 30 bucks worth of shrooms man!College Kid
Katy: Hey, Droz, how 'bout this: Tonight, at the Pit, "Everyone Gets Laid."
Droz: It's tasteless, disgusting, and offensive. I love it.
Well, I have all your equipment in my locker. You should probably come get it cause I can't fit my numchucks in there anymore.Napoleon Dynamite
Ash: [talking to mirror] I'm fine... I'm fine... Mirror Ash: I don't think so. We just cut up our girlfriend with a chainsaw. Does that sound "fine"?
[people in the neighborhood are looking at Hancock] What the hell are you pricks staring at?Hancock
You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.Miracle Max
Westley: Look. Are you just fiddling around with me or what?
Fezzik: I just want you to feel you're doing well. I hate for people to die embarrassed.
Randal Graves: Becky, you've given guys blowjobs, right?
Becky: I haven't even put my purse down yet.
Randal Graves: That's a yes.
Ishmael: Okay, you want to bowl for some big money, eh? But I'll lose my entire bonus check because I'm so *bombed*.
McKnight Bowl Bartender: You get that way from ginger ale?
Roy: Nah, he was sniffing glue in the parking lot.
Second base... shit.Jake Taylor
Cameron: Well, you don't know. She could, uh, she could need a day to cool off.
[they all duck as a soccer ball flies past them]
Patrick: Maybe two.