Favorite Comedy Quotes
Scott: Look, I was wondering if we could work all this out? You are, after all, my father.
Dr Evil: Scott, you had your chance, okay? I've already had someone created in my image. He's evil, he wants to take over the world, and he fits easily into most overhead storage bins.
Scott: Him? Look at him, he's crazy. He's like a vicious little Chihuahua thing. He'll kill me the first chance he gets.
Dr Evil: Probably.
You must have eaten, like, a hundred bucks worth of pot, and, like, 30 bucks worth of shrooms man!College Kid
Napoleon Dynamite: So, we're pretty much friends by now, right?
Napoleon Dynamite: So, you got my back and everything, right?
They took the bar! The whole fucking bar!Bluto
[people in the neighborhood are looking at Hancock] What the hell are you pricks staring at?Hancock
Bob Slydell: Would you bear with me for just a second here.
Peter Gibbons: OK.
Bob Slydell: What if - and believe me this is hypothetical - but what if you were offered some kind of a stock option equity sharing program. Would that do anything for you?
Peter Gibbons: I don't know, I guess. Listen, I'm gonna go. It's been really nice talking to both you guys.
Bob Slydell: Absolutely, the pleasure's all on this side of the table, trust me.
Peter Gibbons: Good luck with your layoffs, all right? I hope your firings go really, really well.
Bob Porter: Excellent.
Bob Slydell: Great... Wow.
Well why don't you give me your number in case anything happens to my wife.Beanie
Junior O'Daniel: We could hire our own midget, even shorter than his.
Pappy O'Daniel: Wouldn't we look like a bunch of Johnny-come-latelies, bragging on our own midget, doesn't matter how stumpy.
Joanna: How dare you judge me? Look at you. You're just some penny-stealing... criminal... man.
Peter Gibbons: Well that may be. But at least I never slept with Lumbergh.
Stu Price: Fuck!
Alan Garner: Your language is offensive.
Thom: Would someone mind telling me where we're going?
Norah: You know how some people like to eat at the same places?
Norah: Well Caroline likes to puke in the same places.
Cruiser: I joined the army 'cause my father and my brother were in the army. I figured I better join before I got drafted.
Sergeant Hulka: Son, there ain't no draft no more.
Cruiser: There was one?