Favorite Comedy Quotes
Elizabeth Swann: Will! Why is this happening?
Will Turner: I don't know. You look beautiful.
Elizabeth Swann: I think it's bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding.
Ed Rooney: Les jeux sont faits. Translation: the game is up. Your ass is mine.
I once thought I had mono for an entire year. It turned out I was just really bored.Wayne Campbell
Dr. Egon Spengler: I'm worried, Ray. All my readings point to something big on the horizon.
Winston Zeddemore: What do you mean, big?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Well, let's say this Twinkie represents the normal amount of psychokinetic energy in the New York area. Based on this morning's reading, it would be a Twinkie thirty-five feet long, weighing approximately six hundred pounds.
Winston Zeddemore: That's a big Twinkie.
James Carter: What are they gonna do to us Li?
Lee: First they will torture us for 3 days.
James Carter: Ok,I can take that.
Lee: Then they will cut off our egg roles.
James Carter: Cut off our egg roles... Aww hell no we gotta get outta here
Danny Noonan: I've always wanted to go to college.
Judge Smails: Well, the world needs ditch diggers, too.
Lacey Underall: [to Danny] Nice try.
Virginia: Hey! What's going on?
Happy Gilmore: Oh, uh, I was just looking for the other half of this bottle and there's some of it and there's some of it right there, too.
Virginia: Why don't you just put it down?
Happy Gilmore: Yeah, I know.
I used to use this gun when I was a prostitute.Red
The fact that you're not answering leads me to believe you're either (a) not at home, (b) home but don't want to talk to me, or (c) home, desperately want to talk to me, but trapped under something heavy. If it's either (a) or (c), please call me back.Harry Burns
Bingo! Right in the blowhole!Mr. Wong
Harry: Why would she have you meet her in a bar at ten in the morning?
Lloyd: I just figured she was a raging alcoholic.
Dean Pritchard: Listen, Chang.
Megan Huang: It's Huang.
Dean Pritchard: Whatever.