Favorite Comedy Quotes
[to Evan] I love you!... I mean, I think we should hang out socially... I have a new ping pong table.Eugene
Dewey Cox: Maybe you don't believe in me at all.
Edith: I do believe in you
Edith: I just know you're gonna fail.
Elwood: I bet these cops got SCMODS.
Elwood: State County Municipal Offender Data System.
Marianne: There's a higher power that will judge you for your indecency.
Olive Penderghast: Tom Cruise?
I want you, Evan Baxter, to build an ark.God
Lillian: This is Becca, from work.
Becca: Is that your husband? [pointing to a man standing behind Lillian]
Annie: Oh no, I don't know him. I'm single.
Becca: I was just so distraught when I was single.
Annie: I'm fine being - by myself. [Becca makes a distressed face]
Julia: "Let's have sex on top of her! Let's use her like a bed!"
Dale: "That's crossing the line!!!"
Lou Brown: I have something I think you all ought to know about. It seems that Mrs. Phelps doesn't think too highly of our worth. She put this team together because she thought we'd be bad enough to finish dead last, knocking attendance down to the point where she could move the team to Miami... and get rid of all of us for better personnel.
Roger Dorn: Even me?
Lou Brown: Even you, Dorn.
Eddie Harris: What if we DON'T finish last?
Lou Brown: She'll REPLACE you with somebody who WILL. After this season, you'll be sent back to the minors or given your outright release.
Jake Taylor: Well then I guess there's only one thing left to do.
Roger Dorn: What's that?
Jake Taylor: Win the whole fucking thing.
Willie Mays Hayes: [Willie stands up] Yeah!
Pedro Cerrano: [Pedro pounds his hand] YES!
Hey, Cameron. You realize if we played by the rules right now we'd be in gym?Ferris Bueller
Lunch Lady: Have some more sloppy joes. I made 'em extra sloppy for yous. I know how yous kids like 'em sloppy.
Billy Madison: Lady, you're scaring us.
You are the greatest player I have ever seen. Besides my self, practicing in front of a mirror... which I do... everyday... in the nude.Karl Wolfschtagg
Son of a bitch ball. Why can't you go home? Aren't you good enough for your home? ANSWER ME! Suck my white ass ball!Happy Gilmore