Favorite Comedy Quotes
Hitchhiker: Hot damn. I never rode in a convertible before.
Raoul Duke: Is that right? Well... I guess you're about ready, then, aren't you?
Dr. Gonzo: We're your friends. We're not like the others, man, really.
Raoul Duke: No more of that talk or I'll put the fucking leeches on you, understand?
Dr. Gonzo: Heh heh heh...
A drug person can learn to cope with things like seeing their dead grandmother crawling up their leg with a knife in her teeth. But no one should be asked to handle this trip.Raoul Duke
Evan: You could always subscribe to a site like Perfect Ten. I mean that could be anything, it could be a bowling site.
Seth: Yeah, but the problem is that they don't actually show the dick going in the pussy. Have you ever seen a pussy by itself?
Seth: I dunno, it's not for me.
[to his Asian companion] I hear this place is restricted, Wang, so don't tell 'em you're Jewish, okay?Al Czervik
I want you, Evan Baxter, to build an ark.God
Ty Webb: I like you Betty.
Danny Noonan: It's Danny sir.
Ty Webb: Danny.
Michael Newman: Aunt Peggy, is that you? God, you got old.
[Peggy flicks her chin and gives him the arm, to the crowd]
Michael Newman: I'm just playing, she knows that.
[people in the neighborhood are looking at Hancock] What the hell are you pricks staring at?Hancock
Ty Webb: Let me tell you a little story? I once knew a guy who could have been a great golfer, could have gone pro, all he needed was a little time and practice. Decided to go to college instead. Went for four years, did pretty well. At the end of his four years, his last semester he was kicked out... You know what for? He was night putting, just putting at night with the fifteen-year-old daughter of the Dean... You know who that guy was Danny?
Danny Noonan: No.
Ty Webb: Take one good guess.
Danny Noonan: Bob Hope?
Ty Webb: Ha ha... No, that guy was Mitch Comstein, my roommate. He was a good guy.
Wolfgang von Wolfhaus: It appears it is time to initiate Operation Recipe Retrieve.
Gunter: Is that the title we all agreed on? I kind of like Operation Stein Grab.
Rolf: Or what about Brauheist 2006?
Gunter: Oh, that's a good one.
Rolf: Ja, It's kind of spunky.
Gunter: Ja, Its fun
I have to laugh, because I've outsmarted even myself. My enemy, my foe, is an animal. In order to conquer the animal, I have to learn to think like an animal. And, whenever possible, to look like one. I've gotta get inside this guy's pelt and crawl around for a few days.Carl Spackler
Randal Graves: Becky, you've given guys blowjobs, right?
Becky: I haven't even put my purse down yet.
Randal Graves: That's a yes.