Favorite Comedy Quotes
I want you, Evan Baxter, to build an ark.God
Stu Price: Fuck!
Alan Garner: Your language is offensive.
Ty Webb: Let me tell you a little story? I once knew a guy who could have been a great golfer, could have gone pro, all he needed was a little time and practice. Decided to go to college instead. Went for four years, did pretty well. At the end of his four years, his last semester he was kicked out... You know what for? He was night putting, just putting at night with the fifteen-year-old daughter of the Dean... You know who that guy was Danny?
Danny Noonan: No.
Ty Webb: Take one good guess.
Danny Noonan: Bob Hope?
Ty Webb: Ha ha... No, that guy was Mitch Comstein, my roommate. He was a good guy.
[people in the neighborhood are looking at Hancock] What the hell are you pricks staring at?Hancock
Randal Graves: Becky, you've given guys blowjobs, right?
Becky: I haven't even put my purse down yet.
Randal Graves: That's a yes.
No, my webs were no miracle, Wilbur. I was only describing what I saw. The miracle is you.Charlotte A. Cavatica
Buzz, Buzz! My backend's going to Baton Rouge!Slinky Dog
Ed Rooney: Les jeux sont faits. Translation: the game is up. Your ass is mine.
Looks like we're gonna have to make a cameo at the Val party.Cher
Josh: Hey, in some parts of the universe, maybe not in contempo-casual, but in some parts, it's considered cool to know what's going on in the world.
Cher: Thank you Josh. I SO need lessons from you on how to be cool. Tell me the part about Kenny G again?
Josh: Hey, James Bond, in America we drive on the right side of the road.
Cher: I am. You try driving in platforms.
Hey, Cameron. You realize if we played by the rules right now we'd be in gym?Ferris Bueller