Jedadiah: I'm gonna shoot you in your dang eye. In your dadgum eye.
[gun clicks empty]
Larry: Yeah. Keep shootin'. Nothing's gonna happen.
Jedadiah: Now you know my shame. Jedadiah's impotent rage. His guns don't fire. Take me away.

My heart is, and always will be, yours.

Edward Ferrars

Shtarker: Too bad about all the dead movie stars.
Siegfried: Yes. What will we do without their razor-sharp political advice.

Hansel: So I'm repelling down Mount Vesuvius when suddenly I slip, and I start to fall. Just falling, ahh ahh, I'll never forget the terror. When suddenly I realize "Holy shit, Hansel, haven't you been smoking Peyote for six straight days, and couldn't some of this maybe be in your head?"
Derek Zoolander: And?
Hansel: And it was. I was totally fine. I've never even been to Mount Vesuvius.

Dory: Hey there, Mr. Grumpy Gills. When life gets you down do you wanna know what you've gotta do?
Marlin: No I don't wanna know.
Dory: [singing] Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim.
Marlin: Dory, no singing.
Dory: [continuing] Ha, ha, ha, ha, ho. I love to swim. When you want to swim you want to swim.
Marlin: Now I'm stuck with that song... Now it's in my head.
Dory: Sorry.

We got a bleeder!

Paramedic

I got mind control over Deebo. He be like "shut the f**k up." I be quiet. But when he leave, I be talking again.

Smokey

Jake Taylor: That ball wouldn't have been out of a lot of parks.
Rick Vaughn: Name one.
Jake Taylor: Yellowstone?

I can't stop eating. I eat because I'm unhappy, and I'm unhappy because I eat. It's a vicious cycle. Now, if you'll excuse me, there's someone I'd like to get in touch with and forgive... myself.

Fat Bastard

Saul: Wait...what do you mean the battery's dead?
Dale Denton: ... I mean the battery is dead. It ceases to live. The car needs a battery to start, Saul.
Saul: No no... What do you mean, the battery is dead?
Dale Denton: The battery is fucking dead. I don't know how I can word this to you differently.

Gangster: You got some big a** balls, man.
Noah: Can't find underwear. Balls don't fit.

[In the wedding]
Alan Garner: How's my hair?
Stu Price: That's good.
Alan Garner: It's cool like Phil's?
Stu Price: It's classic Phil.

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