Favorite Comedy Quotes
That's how you do it. That's how you debate.Frank
Stu Price: He was a bartender, and he didn't even come inside her.
Phil Wenneck: And you believe that?
Stu Price: Uh yeah, because she's grossed out by semen!
Hey, you scratched my anchor!Al Czervik
Delmar O'Donnell: Care for some gopher?
Ulysses Everett McGill: No thank you, Delmar. One third of a gopher would only arouse my appetite without bedding it down.
Delmar O'Donnell: Oh, you can have the whole thing. Me and Pete already had one apiece. We ran across a whole... gopher village.
Harry: I can't believe it.
Lloyd: Life is a fragile thing, Har. One minute you're chewin' on a burger, the next minute you're dead meat.
Harry: But he blamed me. You heard him. Those were his last words.
Lloyd: Not if you count the gurgling sound.
Cal: [Pointing to an action figure on a shelf] Is that the Six Million Dollar Man's boss?
Andy Stitzer: That's Oscar Goldman.
Cal: Why do you have that?
Andy Stitzer: That's worth a lot of money. That's much more valuable than Steve Austin.
Will Turner: If we can outrun her, we can take her. We should turn and fight.
Jack Sparrow: Why fight when you can negotiate?
You came back. I always knew you were a good man.Elizabeth Swann
The good ones screw you, the bad ones screw you, and the rest don't know how to screw you.Samantha Jones
Tigers love pepper.Alan Garner
Seth: Hey Greg, why don't you go piss your pants?
Greg the Soccer Player: [turning around] That was like 8 years ago, asshole!
Seth: [yelling] People don't forget!
Stu Price: She's got my grandmother's Holocaust ring!
Alan Garner: I didn't know they gave out rings at the Holocaust.