Favorite Comedy Quotes
I'm assuming you all have guns and crack!Officer Michaels
That's how you do it. That's how you debate.Frank
Thorny: Now Officer Rabbit and I are going to stand here while the three of you smoke the whole bag.
College Kid: Please, no?
Delmar O'Donnell: Care for some gopher?
Ulysses Everett McGill: No thank you, Delmar. One third of a gopher would only arouse my appetite without bedding it down.
Delmar O'Donnell: Oh, you can have the whole thing. Me and Pete already had one apiece. We ran across a whole... gopher village.
Seth: Hey Greg, why don't you go piss your pants?
Greg the Soccer Player: [turning around] That was like 8 years ago, asshole!
Seth: [yelling] People don't forget!
Cal: [Pointing to an action figure on a shelf] Is that the Six Million Dollar Man's boss?
Andy Stitzer: That's Oscar Goldman.
Cal: Why do you have that?
Andy Stitzer: That's worth a lot of money. That's much more valuable than Steve Austin.
Glen the Desk Clerk: Hello, welcome to the International Inn. How many?
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: There's 8 of us...
Glen the Desk Clerk: 8, 8 people for a suckfest
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: No, no suckfest, were here for a convention.
Glen the Desk Clerk: I like convention too. I'm in a convention, a suckfest convention.
Sam: Are you really retarded?
Andrew Largeman: No.
Sam: Ooh, great job man! I really thought you were retarded. I mean, you're better than that Corky kid and he's actually retarded. If there was a retarded Oscar you would win, hands down, kick his ass!
Andrew Largeman: Who are you?
Sam: I'm your new friend Sam. Tissue?
Will Turner: If we can outrun her, we can take her. We should turn and fight.
Jack Sparrow: Why fight when you can negotiate?
You came back. I always knew you were a good man.Elizabeth Swann
Harry: I can't believe it.
Lloyd: Life is a fragile thing, Har. One minute you're chewin' on a burger, the next minute you're dead meat.
Harry: But he blamed me. You heard him. Those were his last words.
Lloyd: Not if you count the gurgling sound.