Favorite Comedy Quotes
Put your tongue back in your mouth.Mr. Walters
J.P. Prewitt: Male models don't think for themselves.
Derek Zoolander: Yes they do!
J.P. Prewitt: No they don't.
Derek Zoolander: Okay!
Well, this is great. If the ionization-rate is constant for all ectoplasmic entities, we can really bust some heads... in a spiritual sense, of course.Dr Ray Stantz
[to Lt. Einhorn] Whew... now I feel better. 'Course, that might not do any good you see nobody's missing a porpoise. It's a dolphin that's been taken. The common harbor porpoise has an abrupt snout, pointed teeth and a triangular thoracic fin. While the bottlenose dolphin, or Tursiops truncates, has an elongated beak, round cone shaped teeth and a serrated dorsal appendage. But I'm sure you already knew that. That's what turns me on about 'cha, your attention to detail.Ace Ventura
My victory in Boston was as sweet as the cream pie from the city it's named after.Chazz
I was surfing the crimson wave. I had to haul ass to the ladies'.Cher
Ok, ladies the secret to a good BJ is focus. I don't care if we're talking about your husband of ten years or some hot sailor you met a TGI Fridays.Garry
White Goodman: Go ahead, make your jokes, Mr. Jokey... Joke-maker. But let me hit you with some knowledge. Quit now. Save yourself the embarrassment of losing with these losers in Las Vegas, La Fleur.
Peter La Fleur: Alliteration aside, I'll take my chances in the tournament.
White Goodman: Yeah, you will take your chances.
Peter La Fleur: I know. I just said that.
White Goodman: I know you just said that.
Peter La Fleur: Okay, I'm not sure where you're going with this.
White Goodman: Well, I'm not sure where *you're* going with this.
Peter La Fleur: That's what I said.
White Goodman: That's what I'm saying to *you*.
Peter La Fleur: All right.
White Goodman: ...TouchÃˆ.
Brennan Huff: This house is a prison!
Dale Doback: On planet bullshit!
Brennan Huff: In the galaxy of this sucks camel dick!
Even Wheelchair Robert got a handjob!Costa
Dana Barrett: [reading from the printout] "Zuul was the minion of Gozer." What's Gozer?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Gozer was very big in Sumeria.
Dana Barrett: Well, what's he doing in my ice box?
Dr. Peter Venkman: I'm working on that.
Alan Garner: Hey what's that on your arm?
Stu Price: Oh my God - Phil, you were in the hospital last night.
Phil Wenneck: Yeah, I guess I was.
Alan Garner: Are you okay?