Favorite Comedy Quotes
Regina: But you're, like, really pretty.
Cady: Thank you.
Regina: So you agree?
Regina: You think you're really pretty?
Cady: Oh... I don't know
You like my erection selection?George (to the mirror)
[when Charlie proposes to have sex with her] I'm going to fuck you till you die!Eleanor Skipple
Man in Black: Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.
Vizzini: Wait til I get going! Now, where was I?
Man in Black: Australia.
Vizzini: Yes, Australia. And you must have suspected I would have known the powder's origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
Man in Black: You're just stalling now.
Vizzini: You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? You've beaten my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong, so you could've put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you've also bested my Spaniard, which means you must have studied, and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
Well, fuck my ass and call me a bitch.Terrence
Austin: Basil, this coffee smells like shit.
Basil: It is shit, Austin.
Austin: Oh, good, then it's not just me.
Fat Bastard: First things first: WHERE'S YOUR SHITTER? I've got a turtle-head poking out.
Dr. Evil: Charming.
Fat Bastard: I'm not kiddin'. I've got a crap on deck that could choke a donkey. Aww, it's SQUIDGY. Christ, I'm gettin' all emotional from it, ya know?
Virginia: Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey! You want to beat him? Beat him on the course.
Happy Gilmore: That's right, I'm gonna beat your ass on the course!
Shooter McGavin: Yeah, right. And Grizzly Adams had a beard.
Lee Trevino: Grizzly Adams *did* have a beard.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Egon, this reminds me of the time you tried to drill a hole through your head. Remember that?
Dr. Egon Spengler: That would have worked if you hadn't stopped me.
Thorny: All right Arlo, why don't you hop up on Uncle Rabbit's lap?
Rabbit: [Indicating that he still has an erection] I don't think that's such a good idea, Thorny!
Davy Jones: You are neither dead nor dying. What is your purpose here?
Will Turner: [quickly] Jack Sparrow sent me to settle his debt.
Davy Jones: What is your purpose here?
Will Turner: Jack Sparrow? Sent me to settle his debt?
Ha ha! Drivin' drunk. Classic.Alan Garner