Favorite Comedy Quotes
Fat Bastard: First things first: WHERE'S YOUR SHITTER? I've got a turtle-head poking out.
Dr. Evil: Charming.
Fat Bastard: I'm not kiddin'. I've got a crap on deck that could choke a donkey. Aww, it's SQUIDGY. Christ, I'm gettin' all emotional from it, ya know?
Thorny: All right Arlo, why don't you hop up on Uncle Rabbit's lap?
Rabbit: [Indicating that he still has an erection] I don't think that's such a good idea, Thorny!
Like Pearl Harbor... never again!Don Ready
Well, fuck my ass and call me a bitch.Terrence
Virginia: Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey! You want to beat him? Beat him on the course.
Happy Gilmore: That's right, I'm gonna beat your ass on the course!
Shooter McGavin: Yeah, right. And Grizzly Adams had a beard.
Lee Trevino: Grizzly Adams *did* have a beard.
Davy Jones: You are neither dead nor dying. What is your purpose here?
Will Turner: [quickly] Jack Sparrow sent me to settle his debt.
Davy Jones: What is your purpose here?
Will Turner: Jack Sparrow? Sent me to settle his debt?
Mini-me, we do not gnaw on the kitty.Dr. Evil
I'm hung over, my knees are killin' me and if you're going to pull this shit at least you could've said you were from the Yankees.Jake Taylor
Ted: Thunder Buddies for life, right, Johnny?
John: Fucking right!
Ted: All right, come on, let's sing The Thunder Song."
John: All right.
John & Ted: When you hear the sound of thunder, don't you get too scared. Just grab your thunder buddy and say these magic words. Fuck you, thunder! You can suck my dick! You can't get me, thunder, 'cause you're just God's farts.
Ha ha! Drivin' drunk. Classic.Alan Garner
Harry Doyle: That's all we got, one goddamn hit?
Assistant: You can't say goddamn on the air.
Harry Doyle: Don't worry, nobody is listening anyway.
Mr. Chow: You gonna fuck on me?
Alan Garner: Nobody's gonna fuck on you! I'm on your side! I hate Godzilla! I hate him too! I hate him! He destroys cities! *Please*! This isn't your fault. I'll get you some pants.