Favorite Comedy Quotes
Well, this is great. If the ionization-rate is constant for all ectoplasmic entities, we can really bust some heads... in a spiritual sense, of course.Dr Ray Stantz
[to Lt. Einhorn] Whew... now I feel better. 'Course, that might not do any good you see nobody's missing a porpoise. It's a dolphin that's been taken. The common harbor porpoise has an abrupt snout, pointed teeth and a triangular thoracic fin. While the bottlenose dolphin, or Tursiops truncates, has an elongated beak, round cone shaped teeth and a serrated dorsal appendage. But I'm sure you already knew that. That's what turns me on about 'cha, your attention to detail.Ace Ventura
Becca Crane: Jacob, why did you just take off your shirt?
Jacob: [Holds up employment contract] My contract says I have to every ten minutes of screen time.
My victory in Boston was as sweet as the cream pie from the city it's named after.Chazz
I was surfing the crimson wave. I had to haul ass to the ladies'.Cher
Ok, ladies the secret to a good BJ is focus. I don't care if we're talking about your husband of ten years or some hot sailor you met a TGI Fridays.Garry
White Goodman: Go ahead, make your jokes, Mr. Jokey... Joke-maker. But let me hit you with some knowledge. Quit now. Save yourself the embarrassment of losing with these losers in Las Vegas, La Fleur.
Peter La Fleur: Alliteration aside, I'll take my chances in the tournament.
White Goodman: Yeah, you will take your chances.
Peter La Fleur: I know. I just said that.
White Goodman: I know you just said that.
Peter La Fleur: Okay, I'm not sure where you're going with this.
White Goodman: Well, I'm not sure where *you're* going with this.
Peter La Fleur: That's what I said.
White Goodman: That's what I'm saying to *you*.
Peter La Fleur: All right.
White Goodman: ...TouchÃˆ.
Brennan Huff: This house is a prison!
Dale Doback: On planet bullshit!
Brennan Huff: In the galaxy of this sucks camel dick!
A flute without holes, is not a flute. A donut without a hole, is a Danish.Ty Webb
Even Wheelchair Robert got a handjob!Costa
Dana Barrett: [reading from the printout] "Zuul was the minion of Gozer." What's Gozer?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Gozer was very big in Sumeria.
Dana Barrett: Well, what's he doing in my ice box?
Dr. Peter Venkman: I'm working on that.
Alan Garner: Hey what's that on your arm?
Stu Price: Oh my God - Phil, you were in the hospital last night.
Phil Wenneck: Yeah, I guess I was.
Alan Garner: Are you okay?