Davy Jones: You are neither dead nor dying. What is your purpose here?
Will Turner: [quickly] Jack Sparrow sent me to settle his debt.
Davy Jones: What is your purpose here?
Will Turner: Jack Sparrow? Sent me to settle his debt?

Ha ha! Drivin' drunk. Classic.

Alan Garner

"When a monkey nibbles on a weenis, it's funny in any language."

Alan

Today's my cat's birthday.

Red

Mr. Chow: You gonna fuck on me?
Alan Garner: Nobody's gonna fuck on you! I'm on your side! I hate Godzilla! I hate him too! I hate him! He destroys cities! *Please*! This isn't your fault. I'll get you some pants.

Mini-me, we do not gnaw on the kitty.

Dr. Evil

The message Hollywood needs to send out is 'Smoking Is Cool!'

Nick Naylor

Not you, fat Jesus.

Officer Franklin

Virginia: Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey! You want to beat him? Beat him on the course.
Happy Gilmore: That's right, I'm gonna beat your ass on the course!
Shooter McGavin: Yeah, right. And Grizzly Adams had a beard.
Lee Trevino: Grizzly Adams *did* have a beard.

I'm hung over, my knees are killin' me and if you're going to pull this shit at least you could've said you were from the Yankees.

Jake Taylor

Remember, fans, Tuesday is Die Hard Night. Free admission for anyone who was actually alive the last time the Indians won the pennant.

Harry Doyle

Harry Doyle: That's all we got, one goddamn hit?
Assistant: You can't say goddamn on the air.
Harry Doyle: Don't worry, nobody is listening anyway.

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