Favorite Comedy Quotes
Dr. Jeff [asking Adam and Nick about Lou]: "You are his friends, right?"
Nick: "It's like that friend who's an asshole, but he's our asshole."
[Mr. Jones snoring and talking in his sleep] Give me the two piece special. Lots of hotsauce and all the fries you can give me. Thank you, thank you.Mr. Jones
This one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy.Michelle
He has man boobs. That means he has bad jeans.Debbie
Gill: Nobody touch him! Nobody touch him.
Nemo: Can you help me?
Gill: No. You got yourself in there, you can get yourself out.
Deb: Ah, Gil...
Gill: I just want to see him do it, Okay? Keep calm. Alternate wriggling your fins and your tail.
Nemo: I can't. I have a bad fin.
Gill: Never stopped me.
Ursula: [talking into voice filter] Freeze motherfucker.
Foster: Oh, god, please don't shoot me. I'm naked.
Ursula: Drop your coat and grab your toes.
Ursula: I'm gonna show you where the wild goos goes.
Foster: Uh, this isn't happening. I'm a police officer. Ursula, help.
Ursula: [still talking into the voice filter] Baby, I'm gonna butter your bread. [pause] You don't have these at your station?
Foster: [grabs the voice filter, and speaks into it] I don't suppose you have a fresh pair of underwear I can borrow?
Ursula: I'm not sure you could fit into my panties.
I love acid... Cops!College Kid
Evan: Yeah chicks go nuts for that... the male camel toe.
Seth: Yea yea! The camel tail.
Seth: Its like a three thing... its like ball, dick, ball.
Evan: It's like a division sign... I just wish you would take those off.
Becca: Your cock is so smooth!
Evan: Your's would be too... if you were a man.
Carter: Damn, Chin, this is some greasy shit. You ain't got no better food, like some chicken wings, some baby back ribs, some fries or something?
Chin: Chinese food, no soul food here!
Carter: I didn't say nothin' 'bout no soul food, I said you got some better food. I don't want that greasy shit. How you gonna sell a big box of grease?
Marissa: Just as long as you promise to take it easy.
Frank: What do you mean?
Marissa: You know exactly what I mean. You've come along way since Frank the Tank and we don't want him coming back do we?
Frank: Honey, Frank the Tank is not coming back, ok? That part of me is over. Water under the bridge. I promise.