Favorite Comedy Quotes
Marissa: Just as long as you promise to take it easy.
Frank: What do you mean?
Marissa: You know exactly what I mean. You've come along way since Frank the Tank and we don't want him coming back do we?
Frank: Honey, Frank the Tank is not coming back, ok? That part of me is over. Water under the bridge. I promise.
Phil Wenneck: The best little chapel... Hey doc, do you know the address of that place?
Dr. Valsh: Oh, you know, I do know the address. It's at the corner of go fuck yourself and buy a map!
Temper's the one thing you can't get rid of, by losing it.Dr. Buddy Rydell
Olive: Mom? Dad?
Richard: [1/2 asleep] What is it?
Olive: Grandpa won't wake up.
Gill: Nobody touch him! Nobody touch him.
Nemo: Can you help me?
Gill: No. You got yourself in there, you can get yourself out.
Deb: Ah, Gil...
Gill: I just want to see him do it, Okay? Keep calm. Alternate wriggling your fins and your tail.
Nemo: I can't. I have a bad fin.
Gill: Never stopped me.
[narrating] Finally, Girl World was at peace. And if any freshmen tried to disturb that peace, well, let's just say we knew how to take care of it... Just kidding.Cady
Lloyd: Why you going to the airport? Flying somewhere?
Mary: How'd you guess?
Lloyd: I saw your luggage. Then when I noticed the airline ticket, I put 2 and 2 together.
Maude Lebowski: Do you like sex, Mr. Lebowski?
The Dude: 'Scuse me?
Maude Lebowski: Sex. The physical act of love. Coitus. Do you like it?
The Dude: I was talking about my rug.
Maude Lebowski: You're not interested in sex?
The Dude: You mean coitus?
Dr. Jeff [asking Adam and Nick about Lou]: "You are his friends, right?"
Nick: "It's like that friend who's an asshole, but he's our asshole."
I'm Bruce Nolan for Eyewitness News. Back to you, fuckers!Bruce
He has man boobs. That means he has bad jeans.Debbie
Becca: Your cock is so smooth!
Evan: Your's would be too... if you were a man.