Favorite Comedy Quotes
Kelly: Hey, you know who's got the killer bud?
Kelly: This fucker right here.
Deputy Travis Junior: I just had the weirdest dream
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: You know you're driving, right?
[hits a porto-potty]
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: [looking back] Noone was in it.
I'm one stomach flu away from reaching my goal weight.Emily
Mmmm... tastes good!The Hammer
Okay, so you're probably going, "Is this like a Noxzema commercial or what?" But seriously, I actually have a way normal life for a teenage girl.Cher
[to Shrek as the ship leaves] Well my friend, you are royally...Puss in Boots
Craig Jones: [points across the street to Mrs. Parker] Look, look, she's bendin' over!
Pastor Clever: Lord have mercy! God is my shepherd, and he knows what I want!
Pastor Clever: [running across the street] Excuse me, Mrs. Parker? Mrs. Parker!
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What knockers.
Inga: Oh, thank you doctor.
Board Member 1: I've never heard of half of these guys and the ones I do know are way past their prime.
Charlie Donovan: Most of these guys never had a prime.
Board Member 2: This guy here is dead.
Rachel Phelps: Cross him off then.
Vanessa Kensington: Do you smoke after sex?
Austin: I don't know, baby, I never looked.
Were these magic grits? Did you get these grits from the same guy who sold Jack his bean stalk beans?Vinny Gambini
It's okay, 99. Big people feel pain, too.Maxwell Smart