Favorite Comedy Quotes
Do you think there's a chance your mom won't love you anymore when she sees how badly you're getting beaten right now?Gary
I'm a sophisticated sex robot, sent back in time to change the future for one lucky lady.Chuck Sherman
Deputy Travis Junior: I just had the weirdest dream
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: You know you're driving, right?
[hits a porto-potty]
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: [looking back] Noone was in it.
[narrating] Finally, Girl World was at peace. And if any freshmen tried to disturb that peace, well, let's just say we knew how to take care of it... Just kidding.Cady
Marissa: Just as long as you promise to take it easy.
Frank: What do you mean?
Marissa: You know exactly what I mean. You've come along way since Frank the Tank and we don't want him coming back do we?
Frank: Honey, Frank the Tank is not coming back, ok? That part of me is over. Water under the bridge. I promise.
Those that can't do, teach, and those that can't teach... teach gym.Dewey Finn
I have been touched by your kids... and I'm pretty sure that I've touched them.Dewey Finn
Adam [commenting on young Nick's haircut]: "You look like Kid 'n Play."
Nick: "That's actually two people."
Vanessa Kensington: Do you smoke after sex?
Austin: I don't know, baby, I never looked.
Miles Logan: Yo tengo el gato los pantalones.
Carlson: You just said you have a cat in your pants.
Richard Vernon: What was that ruckus?
Andrew Clark: Uh, what ruckus?
Richard Vernon: I was just in my office and I heard a ruckus.
Brian Johnson: Could you describe the ruckus, sir?
Red: [after having his necklace snatched by Deebo] Hey, man, why didn't y'all help me!
Smokey: [slouching in his chair] Man, I'm high.
Red: Man, that's fucked up. If it was y'all, I would've helped y'all.
Craig Jones: What about the time he tried to choke me in Smoke's backyard?
Red: [pause, thinks about it] Oh, that was different.