Favorite Comedy Quotes
Marissa: Just as long as you promise to take it easy.
Frank: What do you mean?
Marissa: You know exactly what I mean. You've come along way since Frank the Tank and we don't want him coming back do we?
Frank: Honey, Frank the Tank is not coming back, ok? That part of me is over. Water under the bridge. I promise.
Becca: [drunkenly making out with Evan] I *so* flirt with you in math.
Evan: Tell me about it. I - same-sies.
Michael: Alright. Uh, I talked to her; I got the scoop.
Cameron: What'd she say?
Michael: "Hates him with the fire of a thousand suns." That's a direct quote.
Patrick: Thanks Michael. That's very comforting of you.
This is a... fuck!Samir
Olive: Mom? Dad?
Richard: [1/2 asleep] What is it?
Olive: Grandpa won't wake up.
[narrating] Finally, Girl World was at peace. And if any freshmen tried to disturb that peace, well, let's just say we knew how to take care of it... Just kidding.Cady
Peter Gibbons: What if we're still doin' this when we're 50?
Samir: It would be nice to have that kind of job security.
Peter Gibbons: Lumbergh's gonna have me work on Saturday. I can tell already. I'm gonna end up doin' it, because, uh... because I'm a big pussy... which is why I work at Initech to begin with.
Michael Bolton: Uh, yeah, well, I work at Initech and I don't consider myself a pussy, OK?
Samir: Yes, I am also not a pussy.
I'm a sophisticated sex robot, sent back in time to change the future for one lucky lady.Chuck Sherman
This one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy.Michelle
Lloyd: Why you going to the airport? Flying somewhere?
Mary: How'd you guess?
Lloyd: I saw your luggage. Then when I noticed the airline ticket, I put 2 and 2 together.
Do you think there's a chance your mom won't love you anymore when she sees how badly you're getting beaten right now?Gary
Maude Lebowski: Do you like sex, Mr. Lebowski?
The Dude: 'Scuse me?
Maude Lebowski: Sex. The physical act of love. Coitus. Do you like it?
The Dude: I was talking about my rug.
Maude Lebowski: You're not interested in sex?
The Dude: You mean coitus?