Favorite Comedy Quotes
I wish I'd just gotten a Teddy Ruxpin!John
Number Two: Why not use your knowledge of the future to play the stock markets? We could make trillions.
Dr. Evil: Why make a trillion when we could make... billions?
Scott: A trillion's more than a billion, numb nuts.
Austin: [a guard falls into the lava] What a... burn? [laughs]
That sort of thing could get a man... fired? [laughs] I think he was... hot... for... you? [laughs]
Felicity Shagwell: That's enough.
Austin Powers: [holding Scott hostage] It seems the tables have turned again, Dr. Evil.
Dr. Evil: Not really. Kill the little bastard, see if I care.
Scott Evil: But dad, we just had a breakthrough in group.
Dr. Evil: I had the group LIQUIDATED, you little shit! They were insolent!
Those that can't do, teach, and those that can't teach... teach gym.Dewey Finn
I have been touched by your kids... and I'm pretty sure that I've touched them.Dewey Finn
[to waiter] I'll have what she's having.Older Woman
What, do you think you're better than me, 'cause you got both your nuts?Chuck
Were these magic grits? Did you get these grits from the same guy who sold Jack his bean stalk beans?Vinny Gambini
Do you stand for *goodness*, or - for *badness*?Judge Smails
Mr. Vargas: Are you in my class?
Jeff Spicoli: I am today.
Well, Dude, we just don't know.Brandt