Favorite Comedy Quotes
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What knockers.
Inga: Oh, thank you doctor.
Come on Dorn, get in front of the damn ball! Don't give me this "olÃ©" bullshit!Lou Brown
Announcer: We haven't seen Happy Gilmore play this badly since his first day on tour. He and Bob Barker are now dead last.
Bob Barker: I can't believe you're a professional golfer. I think you should be working at the snack bar.
Happy Gilmore: You better relax, Bob.
Bob Barker: There is no way that you could have been as bad at hockey as you are at golf.
Happy Gilmore: All right, let's go.
Austin: [a guard falls into the lava] What a... burn? [laughs]
That sort of thing could get a man... fired? [laughs] I think he was... hot... for... you? [laughs]
Felicity Shagwell: That's enough.
Vanessa Kensington: Do you smoke after sex?
Austin: I don't know, baby, I never looked.
[to Mini Me] I'm bigger than you and higher up the food chain. Get in my belly.Fat Bastard
Dr. Evil: [deep voice] Austin, I'm your father.
Dr. Evil: No, not really. I can't back that up.
Austin: Right. Idiot, yes.
Have you ever had a whitehead on your eyeball, Mary?Dom
Number Two: Why not use your knowledge of the future to play the stock markets? We could make trillions.
Dr. Evil: Why make a trillion when we could make... billions?
Scott: A trillion's more than a billion, numb nuts.
[frightened] I'm going bring this up with the Tenant's Association. You're not supposed to have pets in the building.Louis
Janine Melnitz: Do you believe in UFOs, astral projections, mental telepathy, ESP, clairvoyance, spirit photography, telekinetic movement, full trance mediums, the Loch Ness monster and the theory of Atlantis?
Winston Zeddemore: Ah, if there's a steady paycheck in it, I'll believe anything you say.
Janine Melnitz: You're very handy, I can tell. I bet you like to read a lot, too.
Dr. Egon Spengler: Print is dead.
Janine Melnitz: Oh, that's very fascinating to me. I read a lot myself. Some people think I'm too intellectual but I think it's a fabulous way to spend your spare time. I also play raquetball. Do you have any hobbies?
Dr. Egon Spengler: I collect spores, molds, and fungus.