Favorite Comedy Quotes
Nacho: [after lifting Esqueleto over the wall at Ramses party] What about me?
Esqueleto: I don't think I can lift you. You are too fat.
It is not often someone comes along that's a true friend and good writer. Charlotte was both.Narrator
Grace: Oh, Ed. You just sounded like Dirty Harry just then.
Ed Rooney: Really? Thanks, Grace.
Willenholly: Oh my God. I'm paralyzed! That monkey shot me in the ass and paralyzed me! Oh sweet irony!
Justice: You're not paralyzed. It was just a tranquilizer.
Lani Aliikai: Oh, crap!
[runs out to save drowning penguin]
Cody Maverick: Oh man, I'm in love.
Chicken Joe: You should go talk to her.
Cody Maverick: No way, man!
Chicken Joe: Dude, she's totally into you! She called you crap!
Janine Melnitz: Do you believe in UFOs, astral projections, mental telepathy, ESP, clairvoyance, spirit photography, telekinetic movement, full trance mediums, the Loch Ness monster and the theory of Atlantis?
Winston Zeddemore: Ah, if there's a steady paycheck in it, I'll believe anything you say.
Wanda: To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people. I've known sheep who could outwit you. I've worn dresses with higher IQs, but you think you're an intellectual, don't you, ape?
Otto: Apes don't read philosophy.
Wanda: Yes they do, Otto, they just don't understand it.
Well, there's something you don't see every day.Dr. Peter Venkman
Shane Oman: Why are you eating a Kalteen bar?
Regina: I'm starving.
Shane Oman: Man, I hate those things. Coach Carr makes us eat those when we want to move up a weight class.
Shane Oman: They make you gain weight like crazy.
Regina: Motherf... Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second.Ferris Bueller
Jean Girard: You taste like America.
Ricky Bobby: Thank you.
Lloyd: I'm only human, Harry! Come on! Stop being a baby. So we backtracked a tad!
Harry: A tad? A tad, Lloyd? You drove almost a sixth of the way across the country in the wrong direction! Now we don't have enough money to get to Aspen, we don't have enough money to get home, we don't have enough money to eat, we don't have enough money to sleep!
Lloyd: Well, it's not gonna do us any good sitting here whining about it. We're in a hole. We're just going to have to dig ourselves out.