Favorite Comedy Quotes
Alan Garner: [while picking up a friend at the school where he works] Did you have to park this close?
Doug Billings: Yeah, why?
Alan Garner: I just... I can't be here.
Doug Billings: What do you mean?
Alan Garner: I'm not supposed to be within two hundred feet of a church... or a Chuckeee Cheeze.
Liquor Store Clerk: Is there a problem here sir?
Fogell: [shakes head] No.
Liquor Store Clerk: [looks down at the spilled beer on the floor] Sir, did you do this?
Fogell: No, no I didn't and you should really clean this up, someone could really hurt themselves
Liquor Store Clerk: [looks down at the floor and shakes his head a little] Fuck my life
Brian Johnson: Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. But we think you're crazy to make an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us... In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain...
Andrew Clark: ... and an athlete...
Allison Reynolds: ... and a basket case...
Claire Standish: ... a princess...
John Bender: ... and a criminal...
Brian Johnson: Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club.
I'm sorry that I blocked your cock...Officer Slater
Ah, McLovin, McLovin, McLovin, McLovin.Officer Michaels
Why do you wear your hair like that? Your hair looks so sexy pushed back. Cady, will you please tell him his hair looks sexy pushed back?Regina George
Tank Evans: I'm gonna chum the water with your head!
Cody Maverick: Bring it on, pecker face!
Tank Evans: Pecker face?
Mini-me, you complete me.Dr. Evil
I'm being spontaneous!Mumble
Austin: How does that feel, baby?
Felicity Shagwell: Mmm, lower.
Austin: [deep voice] How does that feel, baby?
Rick: How about her?
Coakley: No, the tall blonde surrounds herself with a less attractive women to make herself look good.
Coakley: [as he moves his hands] Check this out. Hot, not.
Rick: That's awesome. You're like A Beautiful Mind.
Rick Vaughn: Fuck you.
Roger Dorn: What's the matter, rookie Fuck-Wad? Can't you take a little joke?
Rick Vaughn: Real fucking funny, asshole.
Lou Brown: All right, all right. Knock that shit off.
Roger Dorn: Lou, you better make it real clear to this little lady that I'm not about to take his shit.
Lou Brown: Shut up, Dorn.