Favorite Comedy Quotes
Gangster: You got some big a** balls, man.
Noah: Can't find underwear. Balls don't fit.
Walter Sobchak: The man in the black pajamas, Dude. Worthy fuckin' adversary.
Donny: Who's in pajamas Walter?
Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny.
Jake Taylor: That ball wouldn't have been out of a lot of parks.
Rick Vaughn: Name one.
Jake Taylor: Yellowstone?
We got a bleeder!Paramedic
[to Jovie] I think you're really beautiful and I feel really warm when I'm around you and my tongue swells up. So... do you wanna eat food?Buddy
Little Rock: Who's Bill Murray?
Tallahassee: Alright, I've never hit a kid before. I mean that's like asking who Gandhi is.
Little Rock: Who's Gandhi?
Turk Malloy: Are you in yet?
Virgil Malloy: I hate that question
Shooter McGavin: Just stay out of my way or you'll pay, listen to what I say.
Happy Gilmore: Hey, why don't I just got and eat some hay. I can lay by the bay, make things out of clay, I just may, what'd ya say?
John Beckwith: "I never thought my sister would meet someone who cared about what other people thought as much as she did until I met Craig?"
Claire Cleary: Yes, it's funny. It's funny because it's true.
John Beckwith: I know, but the funny because it's true bit only works if the truth is a very small thing like "everyone knows Jennifer likes to shop, ha ha ha". Honestly, I think you're better off going for something from the heart.
Claire Cleary: I think people are going to love this.
John Beckwith: I think you're going to hear crickets.
Claire Cleary: No.
John Beckwith: Sounds of silence.
Claire Cleary: Uh uh.
John Beckwith: Ok, meet me at the back of the room, I'll be the guy waiting to say I told you so.
[speaking to the priest] This girl's fit for a strait-jacket. I mean she's fucked three ways to the weekend. But you know what, Father? I dig it!Jeremy Grey
Quentin Hapsburg: Do you gamble?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Every time I order out.
Damnit, Vakidis! Learn fucking English!Jackie Moon